Saturday, December 31, 2011

DNorm...my friend

I started this post a few months ago after a dear friend of mine passed away suddenly.  It was too hard to finish at the time...but I look back now with a smile on my face.  I feel so lucky to have been able to call him my friend.


I feel like I am getting back to normal....shut up...I mean my normal..

My friend DNorm died a few weeks ago and I have been soooo sooo sad..I know...get over it...move on...that's what I am doing!

I am also taking care of his cat...he loved this cat...actually he loved this cat more than he loved me I know this for a fact....I was always a pain in his ass......and who wouldn't love this furry feline.  He is adorable...loves to be loved and kissed and dragged around.....

i will forever take care of this sweet face

But I hope that David is enjoying Heaven..you know in the arms of God's love surrounded by love and kindness and eternal happiness...cuz I have been very busy cleaning up cat hair and scooping a litter box....

I was thinking recently about a trip to Mexico last October where we met up and did a few fun things.

On one of our excursions we visited Chichen Itza...one of the ancient Mayan ruins.  We signed up for this trip at the last minute...DNorms idea of course...not the part of visiting the ruins..but the part of planning to do it the very last second...which totally goes against my grain...I'm a planner... and he liked to pull shit out of his ass.  But we pulled it off...and we where excited to take a luxury bus with a fabulous lunch with FREE all you can drink drinks and a traditional Mayan meal at the site.  The brochure specifically said 'luxury'.

The luxury bus turned out to be a cramped tourist trap full of sweaty people and the lunch.. well....it consisted of a dry and tasteless turkey sandwich... and the drink that came with it looked like this..----->


I think it may have contained barely over 2 ounces...which was hilarious to watch DNorm drink because this was a very large man drinking out of a juice box smaller than his hand with an itty bitty straw.  Very thirst quenching for him I'm sure...very luxurious.  I thought I would live large and have a free diet soda.  Let me tell you this before you are dup'd in Mexico...the diet soda doesn't taste like diet soda.  I took one drink..gagged and attempted to hang onto the can the entire very bumpy bus ride in hopes of finding a trash at the end of the ride.

Well...I hung on to the can...if that counts for anything.  I managed to spill most of it all over DNorm due to the bumpy ride and because the arm rest I was using kept slipping...this is the type of shit I would do to annoy him on accident....everytime I would spill down his leg and into his flip flop....he would do this ..."hummmphhh"...*rolling of the eyes" thing he tended to do to me a lot. 

We also spent a day in Cancun.  DNorm thought it would be 'fun' to take Mexican public transportation to reach Cancun.  Our day included a beautiful beach, my debit card forgotten in an ATM machine, eating a great Mexican meal and dancing, haggling with shopkeepers, a pirate cruise along with a heart to heart regarding some of the things weighing deep in the big guy's heart.

I will forever be grateful.

 

Call us the Diggers


You can call us the Diggers...its like the opposite of the Duggers.

I am the unsuccessful version Michelle Dugger and everything she strives for.  I have failed and will continue to fail at what I call the 'Michelle Dugger'.  I am about 14 kids short...and I have a brain in my head.   That is something the dirtpushers momma would say..and she would probably call Michelle a dirty bird.  And trust me the dirtpusher is no Jim Bob.

It shocks people..  telling them I have five kids probably cuz I look so young.  Technically only two of them were removed from abdomen by a guy in scrubs and what I imagine to be a VERY big knife....wanna see my scars?  But I feel like I should be free to claim every damn one of these little slob faces as my own.  For many reasons....first of all...they are all adorable, smart and talented.  Who wouldn't want to claim those cute people?  Second of all I spend HOURS and hours a week cleaning up after all of these smart mouthed brats and doing mountains of laundry.  Well technically I don't clean up after the oldest, Dirk..he has what we like to call 'flew the roost' we thank god everyday...but he is annoyingly cute and really fun to trick into eating dog biscuits.  I very highly doubt that Michelle Dugger has tricked any of her kids into eating dog food.  She should try it...it creates a classic family memory.  And I don't think Michelle would telephone her kid talking in a deep southern accent and call herself Louise.. and tell him that he still owes $200 for the taxes on his truck after he was ecstatic that the cost was not nearly what he thought it was going to be...that is just plain mean...I love being a step-mom.


Michelle Dugger does not feel the need to work outside the home.  I do.  I have to get the hell out of here at least 5 days a week.  It is for my sanity...and to support my love for new clothes, shoes, jewelry and handbags.  And I'm too bossy...I could not allow Jim Bob to run the show...I insist on helping and giving my much needed opinions...and I know that the dirtpusher enjoys my input on just about everything...I'm not sure Jim Bob would appreciate tolerate it the way the dirtpusher does.
My kids are also not trained to take care of each other and are rarely kind to one another.  There is conflict of some sort 100% of the time.  It will depend on what day...as to who can not stand who..they silently form alliances..but this changes daily...but they do NOT act like the Dugger kids.  If one of my kids does something nice for one of the others it is most likely because they want something expensive.  I bet the Dugger kids never want expensive jeans or expect new cars... and are happy with hand me downs....well not the Digger kids...they want it ALL.

I have actually seen my kids do worse to each other...bet Michelle and Jim Bob's kids don't beat the crap out of each other....

I also do not have a large sparkling clean house like Michelle.  My floors sparkle for approximately 5 seconds after scrubbing and that is only if I yell loudly.  I doubt Michelle Dugger yells at her snot faced kids.  I even tried to hire a cleaning lady and she visited once and said she would call back...and she is now MIA....seriously..I need help.

My kids cuss.  This I can assure you does not happen in the Dugger home.  Rowdy Digger went hunting with his Uncle B-Rad and his Uncle B-Rad's brother.. Richard.. this last deer hunting season, and cute witty little Rowdy Digger made one Dick joke after another until both grown men were blushing...and now apparently Dick Richard doesn't want to go hunting with little Rowdy anymore....  And Livy's mouth... she can make a sailor uncomfortable...bless her heart.

I..as Mrs. Digger... ignore my kids whenever humanly possible.  Do you think Michelle Dugger pretends her kids don't exist..I don't think so.  Does Michelle Dugger get tired of the sound of her children's voices...going on and on and on and on and on?  No.  I also have never seen Michelle bury herself so far into a book that all hell is breaking loose around her and she takes no notice...she would never let that happen.

Michelle's kids are also always dressed so sweetly and clean and nice.  A successful day in my house means that Livy hasn't put something on that has been trampled on for weeks due to her inability to use a clothes hamper or a hanger.  My kids wake up approximately 2 minutes before they need to leave the house and I feel a rush of pride if they have brushed their teeth.  How much do you want to bet Michelle's kids brush morning and night?

The way Michelle looks at Jim Bob with such patience and love at all times is almost unbelievable spare me...I can tell you one thing...I would shoot the dirtpusher in the eye if he had impregnated me 20 some times.. I bet i could give Michelle a few lessons on how to tell Jim Bob to get a damn magazine...if you know what I mean.

i really think she should kick him
Yeah...just call us the Diggers. 

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Be Thankful


My Thankful Face
I think it's only fitting that I write a riveting post on being thankful blah blah blah.  After all it is November...the month of THANKSGIVING and I promised my friend, The Betch they call "The Onion', that I would write something that she wouldn't be able to pull herself away from...yeah right

It may come as a surprise considering I am at times sarcastic and dry..but I am full of gratitude everyday.  I have a lot of things to be thankful for and at times so overwhelmed with the feeling of gratitude that my heart feels like it could explode and it brings tears...shut up.  So here is my ABC's of Gratitude....I thought this would be good opportunity to make a list..i love a good list

A. air...yeah i need it.  *I know it is already hard to stop.... hanging on to my every word*
B. Books...i love my freedom to read what I want..when I want and how I want...usually in my llllouuungggge pants.....no bra
C. candy, caramel and chocolate and nuts..i don't care if nuts do not start with a C..I like them
D. dad...i love my dad...he is hilarious, fun, dependable, adorable, smart and sometimes still embarrassing...and i like my dog too...she is cute...SEEEE

she clearly has a VERY rough life
E. Energy - we have a lot of it in the Powder River Basin....and I'm thankful for the industry...i just wish I had a little more under my ass somedays
G.  God and his GRACE and patience and love..and forgiveness...I feel like I give him plenty of practice on the patience and forgiveness thing
H.  Heat...how convenient is walking up to the thermostat and simply pushing a button...I read a book called The Children's Blizzard several years ago and since then...i have not taken heat nor the technology we have for predicting storms for granted...read the book...its a good read
I. I'm not thankful for anything that starts with the letter I...sorry I
J.  Jesus....duhhh
K. Karen, Kathy, KGinger, Kristi ..yeah I added a K, whatchu gonna do?..Kaycee, KBobbi Kaylee, KCourtney..yeah i added a couple more K's..its my life, and Kiley.  These are some of my family members I may or may not be particularly fond of... how the hell did I get a name that starts with T...oops I mean R?
L. love and lounge pants..mostly lounge pants 
M. Money...the more I have the more thankful I am *snicker*
N. Anyone that knows me ...knows *cough cough* Nuts
O. Oma...otherwise known as Deborah the Whora...or ..well...my mom.  In her defense she really is not a floozy...she just looks like one

maybe its the handcuffs she carries around...i don't know
P. *whispering* The Pretty Little Liar's book series...don't judge me
Q. quiet...i like when I hear quiet...with four kids in this house its a commodity...i would even pay for it...although prolly not much cuz I'm cheap
R. Rowdy...he makes me proud..and he is cute
S. Sullivans...
T. Tader...ooops I mean Trudy...that kid and I...well.. we are a team..always will be...together we have made it through some pretty shitty stuff...together we can do anything...unless it requires tools..then we are pretty much screwed
U. upside down...i can still stand on my head...its one of those things i will be able to do till I'm 90...and it is fun
V. Vowels and Verbs...cuz I like words *wuuuurrrdddd*
W. Word of the Day from Merriam Websters...i really like words
X. common people...nothing good starts with X
Y. yardsticks...i don't know..i guess so i can measure shit...can't think of anything that stars with Y besides yammering and who likes a whiner?
Z. the fall back in November for daylight savings time...which means an extra hour of sleep one day of the year....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Cohabitation


I am learning to cohabitate...at moments I think I may be in-cohabitable.  I'm very set in my ways and have only lived with my kids for several years...and they know my weirdness. 
 
One thing I will say is that moving sucks.  I'm torn when it comes to change in general.  I like it...but I don't like it i know that totally makes sense.  I will also admit that I have way too many clothes and think that we may need to add another closet so that I don't have any more temper tantrums while trying to find what I'm looking for in the 10x2 closet my shit is stuffed into at 6am..I am very hostile at this time of the day.

I typically throw a lot of food away when it is just me and my kids...in order to have a variety of things in the house to eat..alot goes to waste...that is NO LONGER a problem.  A family of 6 eats ALOT of food...and three teenage girls can seriously move some food....one in particular...you have to hide food if you want something for later....cuz it will be gone if you wait more than a few hours.  I am not over exaggerating.

I also now know that teenagers will on certain days decide they don't like you...and will run away...but not too far and will be back within hours....having no phone no car no food apparently isn't too appealing.  This only happens on days when you are not hanging on their every word and expect them to follow simple rules and aren't keeping busy doing what they want ...when they want.  The run away was only gone a few short hours but it saved us quite a bit in food.

I have learned a very manipulative useful behavior to get the dirt pusher to do what I want.  Regardless of whether the task at hand requires tools or not...I use them...or pretend to use them.  Getting out the dirtpushers tools and banging them around in a way that makes it look like I have no clue what I'm doing gets his attention very fast.  If he offers to help...I like to say "oh no..I got this...I'm just not sure we need all of these tools...I think I'm going to have a garage sale..I could make a killing!"...Before you know it...he is knee deep in my project and I'm free to do important things like...blog or facebook stalk your friends.

Another lesson learned is that when I tell Trudy she can wait till Christmas for a new hair straightener...she will take the opportunity to ask the dirtpusher when I'm not around because he never tells her no.  Kids learn how to wrap sweet guys like him around their fingers very quickly.  She has an undying love for the guy...gee I wonder why...

I am proud to say I have taught the dirtpusher a thing or two also.  He has learned to pray for fast REM sleep before I can tuck myself into bed...cuz apparently I snore....only on occassion...but when I do apparently I can saw some shit out of some logs...who knew!?  I have also taught him not to talk to me...touch me...or LOOK at me in the morning when I'm doing the one leg hop with my underwear on inside out trying to make it out the door in time for work.  I don't like my morning routine to be messed with...especially with conversation.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Beware...this post has Sharp Edges

After some thought...I think maybe my Aunt Kassy and the Onion could be right...sometimes you need to blog it ....and move on...



I feel like I have been dealing with a lot of stupid lately.

Or maybe it is just lack of values.

Or perhaps underdeveloped emotional intelligence.

I have been trying to think of ways to say "you are stupid" ...without being downright rude.  I'm not a huge fan of wading around the subject.  I like to say it and move on which tends to make me sound ruthless and mean...but I'm not...I'm actually very nice and in the right setting I feel as though I can actually take on others emotions because I am compassionate and very sensitive...although I don't think just saying "Your face is oozing stupid" would probably be the best choice.

I have been through some management training that could be helpful I suppose...if you are a fan of condescending patronizing conversations.  Which I am not....don't tell my kids but I have actually used these skills on occasion to get them to do what I want..all while thinking it was their idea...i know...brilliant...

So I'm stuck thinking of ways to say your stupid without being offensive...so here I go....

"Although I'm sure your having a blast with your girlfriend...that doesn't exactly fall in line with your marriage vows."

"I know having pet names for each other in public at 17 makes YOU feel warm and fuzzy...but he is just doing it so you will continue to drive him to court and continue to put out...yes...yes you are so very special to him and deserve nothing more."

"Oh yes I'm thrilled that you are dating your best friends ex-wife!"

"Stomping around and giving everyone the silent treatment because you think you have to work harder than everyone else...is just down right adorable."

"Screaming and yelling at me because I expect you to NOT think it is funny that you have slimed food all over the microwave after 15 hours of cleaning and remodeling....shows how much you care...Thank you."

"Yes hillbilly neighbor...I love the hoarding episode going on in your yard!  Oh and thank your son for me...he taught my 12 year old what 'giving head' means."

"Oh Dear...all teenage girls having sex...please just wash your filthy vagina's"

                                            

How'd I do?




Saturday, September 10, 2011

It will all be worth It

For those of you wondering what the hell happened to me...I am still alive...just busy...and tired...

Actually the truth is the dirt pusher and I are really crazy...and I'm the only one on medication for it.  Trust me I've tried to slip a little in his drink occasionally...but he is actually a lot smarter than you would think.

We are going to combine our families under one roof at the end of the month.  It's very scary.  I don't think any of us are under the illusion that it will be easy, although I hope we can love each other enough to work through the snags....mostlyI hope everyone knows that I'm always right...this tends to make things much easier for everyone:)  I have already had a couple of throw downs with his girls and I don't like that but I'm hoping that they know I love them and I hope they will be few and far between.  I mean after all...I feel like they are my kids too...and can't help but treat them like they are.  While I'm busy being hated...the Dirt Pusher is worshipped..I think in Trudy's words that I happened to read on Twitter read something like this "I love my step dad...he always has my back...blah blah blah"...*barfing*

We have been busting our behinds for over a year to get his house ready to accommodate 6 of us....what I really mean is clean the damn place up...  It seems that living without a woman in the house for several years....that things can get a little out of hand...not in their opinion of course.. just my opinion.  My OCD opinion.  I can't help it...many of you know I come from a long line of OCD clean freaks.

We only have two small rooms left to paint and finishing trim work in a couple of rooms to do and the whole place will have new flooring, trim work and paint...head to toe and I'm really proud of all of the work we have done together and the work that the Dirt Pusher has done alone to make this happen...have I mentioned that the garage has been cleaned three times and about 10 pick up loads have been taken to the dump?  

Two weeks ago I re-did what will be Rowdy's room in a NY Jets theme...so he is pretty psyched..and I tackled the main bathroom that same weekend.  I was texting the Dirt Pusher while I was doing it...I was gritting my teeth telling him how much he was going to pay he was busy pushing dirt on his ass.  I hauled 6 large bags of garbage from this bathroom...and you can imagine the cleaning that had to be done before I could start painting.  

Last weekend we embarked on the biggest task in the house.  The kitchen.  We worked for three straight days...12-15 hour days to get it done.  I'm kicking myself for not getting a before and after picture...but we were tore in and working away before I remembered..actually I wish we had before and after pics of the whole house...oh well....but here is the after kitchen pic....


The kitchen cabinets.. we refurbished....they started out dark walnut with a few layers of grease and grime....and now...Waaalaaaa....I would give all the other amazing cleaning details...but I know not everyone is as fascinated with cleaning and the amazing things I can do with 409 and a good scrub brush...and how I have taught the Dirt Pusher that toothbrushes are good for other things other than cleaning teeth.  Plus I have been told that I have been using the word 'disgusting' wayyyyy to much.  So I'm not going to say it anymore.  Just trust me...the place was disgusting...

In between working on the house.....we have been traveling with the kids sports.  Trudy is still playing softball...Rowdy started football...and MiMi and Livy had Team Wyoming try-outs and are gearing up for hockey to start...not to mention a demanding job.

Have I mentioned I'm tired?

Who Let the Dogs out....Whooof!

yeah...we had a WILD weekend!

Me and the dirtpusher are CRAZY wild.

No...not as in crazy.."Rosa, did you take your meds?" crazy.  Although I really think that everyone that benefits from my medication should have to pay for it...really if everyone pitches in...it would cost very little....

A few weekends ago...OK many weekends ago...but I haven't had time to finish this post...so I'm doing it now... the dirt pusher and I  had a CRAZY wild weekend. 

We went out and had FUN two nights in a row! 

I know!  I was like "hey honey ....look at us...all out and crazy *dancing a little* and yeah trailing off...i only had less than one beer the first night out and the second a half of a Mikes Hard Lemonade but whatever....

Night One:  1/2 a beer with friends from high school...one friend..BeCorb..hardly remembers me but won't admit it....and I've promised not to be bitter...pfffttt.....and all the others I get to see a lot and still adore them dearly...and they all like me...and remember me.  It was fun...I thought to myself...we should get out more...we should do this ALL the time! 

It was so exciting talking to other adults together and not having children dominate the conversation with how we are unfair and treat some of the kids better than the others...about the 80 dollar jeans they think they need for school...the tattoo's they are going to get when they turn 18.. and the many ways we are failing as parents...and the many things they want for Christmas its fucking July..ok August...but still.... shit it's actually September... 

I was a little put out though...I didn't figure the dirt pusher and the one who can not remember me otherwise known as BeCorb...would get along so well...oh him and dirt man...oh yeah they just laughed it up...at my expense bastards.......the dirtpusher is normally picked on mercilessly by me and our teenage girls and he enjoyed having someone on his team...yeah that's right..Dirtman as BeCorb calls him..yeah...they are on the same team *snicker*. 

Night Two: Joe Nichols concert...hollly hotttttneesss batman...omg...I'm still breaking out in sweats just thinking about him....and I don't even feel guilty...I figure this is payback to the dirtpusher for picking on me with BeCorb... 

I swear I'm not making this up in my head...but..I'm pretty sure that every popular singer and their entire band I have ever seen live...sings right to me!  I can tell they are just looking at me...longing for me...thinking...oh my look at that girl...she is one hot number...shut up its my story

And now I'm fantasizing about  pretty much every country singing star...and have actually googled several and have been cussing their beautiful wives....

I really need to get back on the WWW123 diet plan if I'm gonna make potential superstar wife material.

Sunday, August 7, 2011

My momma used to WHIP our asses...


Do you remember not too long ago...

I almost got my arsss kicked?...if not..looky here....She says I'm a piece of shit....

Well luckily I escaped a good whippin.  Trust me...I don't think the woman that had the voice of Lucifer and the snarl to match...uses a flyswatter like my momma..my momma is a lady (I use the term lady...very very loosely) that is 4'10" on a tall day and used to run around in circles trying to catch us whipping that thing around....

when she caught us...this is what it looked like...*smirk*
No..this woman is nothing like my momma.... I'm sure she would have knocked my ass out with her manly fist....BAM...I would have been down for the count....

Anyway...that's not the point...I had a comment on this particular blog that said "You are a bitch Tracey".

I'm happy that someone actually commented on a post.  I was pretty sure the commenter was my friend BeCorb but he insists that he just calls me a bitch to my face and would never do it Anonymously.   

I can't even get my own family to comment on my posts.  People...I'm writing here...Can I get a little feedback.  There is somebody out there that obviously doesn't even like me and can take the time to leave a comment..even if it is Anonymous...

Radiology: She is a Weeper

I think I have made myself a reputation in the Radiology department in our local hospital...I'm the mom with sad tears that stream down her face looking helpless.

But life can change pretty fast....I've seen it.

One moment you are moving along and the next things fall apart...and you are stammering because you don't know what hit you.

I have been in this situation a few times..you know...when it feels like the world is crushing in around you....

My life crushing events have come in the form of sudden deaths of grandparents and friends and health issues of the people I love and at the hands of the man I married at a young age.  I feel lucky for all of these moments even if they didn't feel too good at the the time because they helped create the person I am today.

In the last few weeks I have had subtle reminders of how fragile life really is. 

A couple of weeks ago Trudy went in for a scheduled sports physical for the upcoming sports season and the doctor heard some abnormalities in her heart rhythms...the doctor quickly scheduled an echocardiogram.  I will never forget the day.  She layed on the table with the doctor probing roughly at her chest with an ultrasound machine....it felt like we were there for hours and hours... and at that moment my strong athletic vibrant child was vulnerable..or maybe she wasn't.  Maybe I was.  The room was dark so they could read the monitors and I very quietly wept thinking through all the 'what if's'.  I hadn't really taken it too seriously till this moment..  The results were 3 valves that back flow a little....nothing serious.  I watched her on the table...she is almost grown into a woman..it is still amazing to me...that I made that....that amazing human being...and how lucky I am.

I thought my stint of bawling like a baby in Radiology would be forgotten by the time I needed to return another day...for whatever life may bring.

I'm going to get a few pairs of these...
Yeah...not so.  I was back with Rowdy after what was supposed to be a routine in and out surgery for tonsil removal.  I was holding up pretty good not freaking out like I normally do in the surgery center for several hours after Rowdy's oxygen levels were very low with out constant oxygen tubes fed up his nose.  That was until I could tell the staff was looking very concerned.  After several hours, many nurses and two doctors nobody heard anything abnormal in is lungs...Dr. Foreman came in and heard the wheezing.  Folks...this is not a good time to find out your kid probably has asthma.  He was pretty sure that Bronchitis had set in and needed to make sure it wasn't Pneumonia.  Back to Radiology.  I had to drag this kid from the surgery center with oxygen tanks in tow.   We were headed down the hallway of the hospital and as soon as I saw the lady who works the desk there (I know her thank GOD!)..I cried.  Damnit..and I had held it together so damn well all day long too.  Not to worry about Rowdy though..he was a charmer all day long and as usual.. tough as nails.  He had the nursing staff in his palm.  He told his nurse several times very genuinely "You have done a really good job today".  The X-Rays showed that there was not fluid in his lungs or anything too alarming.  He has been home on oxygen all weekend and hopefully tomorrow his oxygen levels will be back to normal and we can figure out this asthma issue...he says before football starts..we will see. 

Diamonds Are a Girls Best Friend


Diamonds...Are a Girls Best Friend...sort of...

I lost THE diamond in the damn ring.

The diamond in my engagement ring. I thought I had a heart attack for a second...but don't worry..I seem to be fine....plus being gone from work right now is not an option...even for death. 

It's funny though...one thing I learned is that when you tell someone you lost the diamond in your ring...they all look down immediately..scanning the floor...as if they are going to find it...and as if you haven't already looked for chrimeny's sake I'm not sure who chrimeny is...but my mom says that all the time so I figure who ever it is...they must be important

I'm not going to lie...I was a little annoyed but wasn't really all that upset. I figured the jewelry company would handle it...I'm sure these things happen all the time...and really in the grand scheme of life...what did it change? Nothing...I didn't have a diamond...that's it. The dirt pusher still loves me...I love him.....our kids are still annoyingly needy..we have a Yukon that always needs worked on...our kids break the bank with all of their expensive sport travels...and the house still needs tons of work done on it...and we are healthy..have good jobs...food on the table...who needs diamonds...when you got love...right?....*smirk* I'm totally gonna see if they will put a bigger diamond in...

I called him at work to find out if he had insurance on it or whatever. He gave me directions to the well hid insurance papers etc. and I took it all to the jeweler...and as I figured they are going to make it right. After I left the jewelry store I texted the man that pushes dirt..and told him what was up...and that I was going to wear the wedding band for now...his response was "Good idea...I don't want someone snagging you." 

For a second I smirked at the thought that he thinks that men are just waiting for him to look away...to sweep me off of my feet far far from him..that they stand in the sidelines just waiting to make their move...and I thought to myself "you know what...I'm gonna let him think that".  

The truth of the matter is that if someone stole me ...they would bring me back very quickly.

And as quickly as I thought I held the power in the relationship...he brought me back to reality...  he says "Yeah...No one else can handle you." ....owwwchhhh....whatever

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Good News...He is keeping his Tooth..I mean Teeth...

I hadn't seen the dirt pusher for a day and was feeling kind of lonely without him in my hair....but he is back.  So now I can bitch about him being in my hair.
the dirt pusher and his dentist...cute eh'...
He spent the night in a near by town to get Livy off on the airplane a few mornings ago...she was picked from this region to go to NY for a developmental camp for hockey yeah she is a BAMF...we got tough girls in the family and we are broke from supporting their habits.... and it worked out that he had a dentist appointment in the same area.  It was good to see him when he got home with his sparkly teeth..bitching about his mouth hurting...he is such a baby...remember when his wenis hurt for like a month?.....His Friggin Wenis Hurts

He insists on seeing the dentist at this town 100 miles away when we have pretty good dentists here right in town and frankly I get a little defensive because I think my dentist is the best out there he knows I need Zanax and doesn't judge me...even for a cleaning...*hey Dr. B* But I shouldn't complain because ...well...he is going to the dentist.  One of the many ways I would like to pat myself on the back for changing his life.  He got home and insisted his dentist is really great as I rolled my eyes..cuz I know my dentist is the best...and followed that with..."he is a hunter".  I'm thinking to myself...OK?...Apparently being a hunter makes him a good dentist? 

I don't know if you remember but not that long ago I completed Hunters Safety.  Please see exhibit A: I'm not a Hunter

There are a lot of things in this course that I learned....that would probably actually make me think that...say...a hunter isn't the first person I want sawing/drilling/hacking..whatever.. on my jaw or anywhere near my face hunters use saws people and I like my face.  Please remember as you read this...I  have nothing personal against hunters...my dad, uncles...blah blah blah...are all hunters....but I would never let any of them touch one of my teeth.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Shine with Gratitude


I have a lot of things in my life to be thankful for.  I don't take anything for granted and am constantly in awe of the blessings that God has given me.  I don't tell many people this...but I'm pretty sure I'm God's favorite kid. These are some of the things I'm thankful for....
  • Haircolor
  • Honesty..to myself and to others
  • My Job..it has been one of the greatest blessings in my life and allows me to take care of my kids the way they deserve to be cared for
  • Parents that love me (even on the days I'm a handful)
  • my sister and that guy she married  - I'm especially grateful we live in the same town so that we can bug each other without having to travel far
  • my kids ..they make parenting look effortless..and I love watching them just be themselves
  • Haircolor
  • the dirtpusher...for showing me how a man should love a woman...and how a man should value his family
  • my girlfriends...those bitches are crazy and they make me feel normal
  • Haircolor
  • A good bra
  • Handbags
  • Haircolor
  • A good walk to work out the stresses from the day and the healthy body I have to do so
What are you thankful for?

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Rosa and Rowdy...go racing...

Trudy is out of town...and will be till next Sunday.  When she is gone I feel like part of my soul is missing...although the peace and quiet is nice...that kid talks a lot.  I HATE it!  If I didn't have OCD and the constant need to clean things and line them up I would probably be in bed feeling sorry for myself.  Thankfully there are things that need cleaning and arranging...and organizing...and reorganizing I learned this reorganizing thing from my perfect friend Emma.

Trudy is a pitcher/2nd baseman...representing the 16U Wyoming team in some Triple Crown World Series Fastpitch..blah blah blah..some college coaches better be scouting the hell out of her...that's all I'm gonna say.  She even has a NIKE shirt that says "Scout This".  I told her she had to wear it everyday unless she was actually on the mound.

But don't worry about me and Rowdy getting left behind..it pisses us off...we are here living it UP!  That's right...we are doing what we want to do mostly just wearing our bedhead and pajamas alllll day Sunday..when we want to do it and having Dairy Queen when we are done with that *sassy head nod*...and we are gonna rub it in when she gets home.  Me and the Rowdster have choreographed a little number while singing.."We went to Dairy Queen..We went to Dairy Queen.."  Okay I choreographed it...but he agreed for 10 bucks he would do it with me...even with a hip swing.  Truth is I'm bustin' my keester at work and he is bustin' his at football camp this week in 100° weather..poor little feller is whipped....but we are not gonna let on that anything other than pure unleashed crazy ass fun happened here.

Tonight me and Rowdy ran to the car wash.... to wash the car that I washed two days ago..OCD..at its finest...and I drag my kids down with me too...and there was this huge truck and rig parked next to the car wash with two racing cars with the #24 on them. It looked sort of like this...only with a #24 on it....

okay ..not really like this...but I think this car is cool...
I thought to myself...well hell yeah..some strangers to talk to.  So I pulled up and offered to race em...yeah in Trudy's car...it looks like this...
Yeah that's right 4 cylinders and bald front tires...I scared the shit out of em...I told them the car was powered by daisy's.  

I wanted to get a good picture of it so I could show you all how bad ass the race cars were.  So I asked rowdy to get a few shots while I was washing the car...this is what he got....
can you see the race car in the background?
After we left and I scrolled through the pictures and clearly I should have been more specific about what I wanted pictures of... and I asked him "What the hell were you taking pictures of"...and he said as he looked confused "The creeps next to us..for your blog...you always want us kids to take pictures of the creeps."  The race cars where pretty cool....some Kenny Shrader guy...but I think the Beetle could have given it a good go round.

Monday, July 11, 2011

Cheaper than a Psychiatrist....


My therapy sessions have been getting in the way of the WW123 plan...I hate the WW123 plan and all other plans like it...

I seem to have a way of 'working' whatever it is I like into a diet plan...I don't do diets...they are so restrictive.

Lately I have been working some serious Margarita's.  Yummy strawberry blended Margarita's.  After thinking about it..or maybe not really thinking about it too much....I figured...strawberries are fruit and tequila has no calories...#winning...

Not so much.  I saw this on the internet today....Knock that Shit off....very depressing...

My nightly routine has been this...walk 2 miles...then slide down some zoloft with a Margarita...stop judging me..and for the most part it has been working for me.  I'm like a dog...I tell myself..you want a treat...you have to do a trick.  I get excited for my walk every night because I know what is at the end...but it's like rehydrating right?  I even ran the other night for like 0.00000004 miles when it started to rain I hate getting my hair wet and was pretty proud of myself other than the fact that the sisters were bouncing out of my bra like two wild loose cannons running is bad for breast tissue one of the many reasons I think running sucks.

After enjoying the show...the dirt pusher being the compassionate man that he is bought me a new Nike sports bra that can hold these suckers down..I think its made with titanium or something...I even gave it a quick jog in place to try it out...and heck maybe with another rainstorm I might give the new bra a good workout.

But I think for the well being of the waist band of my jeans I might need to rethink my Walk/Margarita routine and just stick to the strawberries and zoloft for my nightly therapy session....I swear medical science has to ruin everything...hummphhhhh..

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Make New Friends...or not...

I'm hoping I would be the one on top...
I'm kind of embarrassed...

A 57 year old woman got in my face this weekend and told me she could beat my ass.  She also maaayyyy have mentioned I'm a piece of shit...and always have been a piece of shit she is a fat whore...but that isn't the embarrassing part.

The embarrassing part is...that she prolly could and could have whipped my ass.  She could because...well she is about 60 lbs heavier than me this woman looks like a cross between the wicked witch of the west and Big Bird..use your imagination...but she could have...cuz I would have let her...I had on a really cute outfit white shirt and was looking pretty spiffff...cute sandals too...and honestly wasn't really up for messing myself up.
 
I'm the type that... either I'm getting down and dirty for the day...or I'm looking cute.  I haven't mastered both at the same time.  This was a cute day...not much room for rolling around in the dirt and clawing...or whatever it is girls do...

I'm not really a scrapper though anyway...I really don't know how to throw a punch and imagine I would just go for a face shield motion...or maybe look like this....
yes...I'm certain that this is what I would look like
I also have also always thought that after you get to a certain age..I don't know..maybe like 25 or something...that you stop threatening to kick ass.  And I know what you are thinking right now..."Isn't this girl a HIGH YELLOW belt in karate?"....yes I am...okay...but that means nothing...I can only fight in a perfect situation...and really don't like hitting people...I just like to kick and punch the air. 

I'm not gonna lie though I thought about breaking out the "oh yeah...well I know karate bitch"...but I was laughing too hard to say anything...I think I even snorted.

Friday, July 1, 2011

...Awww Nuts...

Hi, it’s Taylor. Well better known to you people as Trudy. I like to hack things, everyone knows that. You would think by now my mom has learned to log out of her business, but no sadly she just hasn’t learned and as a daughter it is my duty to teach her repeatedly like she has me when I didn’t learn. Anyways, I titled this shenanigan Awwww Nuts, mainly just because my mom has a weird obsession with nuts (luckily that gene began & ended with her) and it looks more “Tracey like” to title it something that she would and thus we have Awwww Nuts. (I won’t talk about them though, I promise)
The woman is hilarious. She always seems to make me laugh…really hard….until we both snort…and are on the verge of peeing our pants. She makes me laugh when she doesn’t mean to, and when she does. She makes me laugh when I don’t want to but when I need to. She also makes me laugh at really inaproperate times. (like when I am texting her during reading time at school. When you bust out laughing it’s kind of obvious that your breaking the rules)
She is always talking to strangers. I guess my Oma never taught her stranger danger. I’m honestly quite surprised that she hasn’t been kidnapped yet. (maybe she has, and they just brought her back. I would bring her back….) She just walks up and starts a conversation. She doesn’t care if they want to talk or not because she pretty much does what she wants. 
Your Teammm.....hahahahaha.

The one thing that I can honestly say drives me bonkers about my mom is the fact that she beats me at “Your Team.” Every stinkin time we play she is always faster at calling it. That means I get stuck with the weirdos, hillbillies, bearded ladys, midgets, and the 40 year old virgins. Thanks mom, I feel the love.
I think if my mom was a 16 year old boy, I’d marry her. She is like my soulmate. She is the only one that gets me. She even likes poetry and long walks on the beach! She listens, cleans up after me, does my laundry, mows the grass. I just get to sit there and play on my iPad. But seriously the woman is a babe! I’d be lucky to be with that for the rest of my life. Heckkkk. If she was a Facebook page…I think I would like her….i might even stalk her….every 5 minutes. I mean she is definitely a looker. Dannnnggggg. (Plus I’m wayyyy cuter than the dirt pusher…I’m just saying)
But honestly, I look up to her more than anyone. (I think she could really mess me up sometimes, but that’s okay. Crazy is good) She has no doubt slowly shaped me into the person I am today. (and I’d say I’m a pretty darn good kid) She has taught me right from wrong, how to be strong when you have no other choice and how to brush off the hurtful things that people say. She is by far thee most amazing, strong, and truly beautiful person I know. I want to be just like her when I grow up. (even if she is a little crazy)

Love, T.<3

Thursday, June 30, 2011

ohh...this ol' thing...

these are the looks I'm trying to avoid...while lying
I have a confession to make...yeah I know its not Sunday...don't worry I have plenty more.

I lie to the dirt pusher.

Not about important things...just when I buy new clothes and jewelry...oh and shoes.  I'm not even married to the guy yet and I'm already lying...and about the money in my own damn bank account...it really makes no sense.  I know I shop too much...but....I can't help myself...and what I don't understand is how a guy with little need for any more than just ONE of ANYTHING...notices tiny details like if I have a new pair of earrings on.  Seriously?...he doesn't even notice that he has scuffs on his new shoes unless I say something...or paint on his new flip flops...yes people he painted in his brand new flip flops...I may rip his face off. 

So sometimes to avoid my internal guilt..I lie.  Don't judge me.  I will say something like "oh..this...no..I've had this forever"...and then I look away....because I can't stand to look him in they eye this guy NEVER lies.  It's not because he really cares or would be upset or anything...and he knows all my bad habits and somehow can look past them sucker...so really there is no reason to fib I'm saying fib now cuz it makes me feel better about lying. And don't get me wrong I'm not one of those people with credit card debt out the ass...I'm debt free other than my mortgage and Trudy's car payment would rather have a Harley....but still.. I should put more money in savings and do whatever responsible horribly dressed people do...invest or whatever.

Today I got by him with a whole new outfit including earrings and a big flower ring totally cute.  Luckily I only saw him for a little bit because I was getting off of work and he was going to work....we were chit chatting at my moms and I was on one of my long winded babbling spree's and I could tell he was up and downing me...but he didn't want to interrupt my important babble..and by tomorrow he will have forgotten #winning.... so the next time he sees the outfit..I can say..."oh no..remember I was wearing this last Thursday." 

This is something we are working on..not interrupting each other mostly him because I have important things to say because when you get two people together that have ADD...the conversation is incredibly annoying. 

And for the record...in my opinion..the whole new outfit thing isn't totally my fault ...really.  I was actually going to the liquor store to purchase some Margarita mix don't judge me and just happened to notice two of my favorite clothing stores side by side on my way.  I'm not sure who decided to place these two clothing stores right next to Albertson's liquor store...but...I'll tell you what I think...pure genius. 

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Husband One, Two ..or was it Three?


I start my day's with a smile on my face because I have this friend..she likes to be called Elizabeth Taylor...

She does have some Elizabeth Taylor traits...they both have had a lot of husbands...but at first glance she reminds me more of the girl next door....but don't let looks fool you...she is a wild one...and she is so damn nice.  I get to see her every morning and she brews up my favorite Skinny Hazelnut Latte just the way I like it.  I look forward to our morning chats as we catch bitch up on kids, jobs, boyfriends, ex boyfriends, soon to be ex boyfriends, blind dates, my parents.. always a good source of smirks and laughs...and well.....husbands.  I have to admit Lizzy is a bit ahead of me in the game of ex-husbands and I'm kind of jealous.  Right now I can only claim one douche bag.  Lizzy is a hopeless romantic...I love this about her... 

This morning as I was waiting for my 'mojo' in a cup she talked about an up coming trip out of the country and told me she finally and applied for her passport.  Of course..in true Lizzy fashion she has waited until the last minute and now has to expedite the passport process...pfffft.....

She says to me...with big wide eyes as she leans over towards me with her baby hairs falling out of her ponytail like they normally do...whispering...with a small giggle of surprise... "You know the part of the application you have to list all of your marriages?"  I sort of nodded..trying to remember..only having one to list...so I don't think it quite stood out to me... but I nodded and said "Yeah"...even though I didn't remember.  And she says to me..."Guess how many pages I needed?"  This is were I snorted I have been snorting a lot lately and spit on myself...and said "How many?"...and she looked around and looked back at me and whispered "Two...and I couldn't tell the lady that the guy I'm married to now...I'm divorcing..that would have required a third page"...

I couldn't stop laughing as I was dropping the blueberries she had just handed me....she is a good sharer.. and she knows I eat fruit for breakfast even though I would much prefer one of her exceptionally delicious carmel rolls...sitting beautifully on the counter right in FRONT of my face....I hate that skinny bitch.  Anyway...she said "You wanna know the funny part?"  She is still whispering and leaning over and looking around to make sure no one is listening...this is were I'm thinking...this shit gets funnier?  She says "I can't remember all of their birthdays...and they wanted to know the dates of the divorces...and I had to guess."

We are both crossing our fingers that this doesn't slow down the expedition of the passport process.  Although I think she is pretty damn special...I told her I didn't think that the govt would think that her quest for Mr. Perfect and the fact that she is a hopeless romantic would be the craziest thing they have ever seen on a passport application.

Here's to love...and Mr. Wonderful...where are you husband #10...the bitch can cook and make a good latte....I'm thinking about marrying her myself.
  

Monday, June 20, 2011

ohh ball sacs...or sacks...

Ohh ball sacs..or sacks ...shit I don't know....but...check it....OUT....

can you see it?..

Here let me show you a closer view....

do you see the 'balls' hanging from the ball?
I think these little 'balls of fun' are just ....so classy...I'm being sarcastic here in case you can't tell...

I got to enjoy this view on my way back to the 'fun factory' after my lunch break.

It's lovely isn't it?  I think it especially goes well with the Confederate Flags flying and the pit bulls growling in the back...I think the whole ensemble just goes together to scream a big fat ..."Hey look at me...I'm an uneducated asshole...and this dangly ball sack takes my whole 'look' a level higher".... 

My neighbor's wife had one of these adorable ball sacks hanging from her rear view mirror...a smaller size of course....they were purple...*smirk*....I'm not sure if this was symbolic or not....

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

A Big Burly Ball of Love


You may not know this but I have a pretty kick ass dad...he looks all big and burly and tough...but I have a secret...He isn't...

He is a big burly ball of love.

He is the dad that still hooks his arm around my neck and pulls me in for a kiss on the forehead and gives me 'love swats' on the butt. He is the guy with the big ol' bald head that I still love to rub and kiss.

As a kid he was never the disciplinarian.  I don't think he even knew what discipline was and if it weren't for my mom I'm pretty sure me and my sister would both be spending time in the state pen...he was often a good example of what not to do...but no need to go into that...*smirk*

He was and is still the dad/grandpa that puts on HUGE Easter Egg Hunts for every kid he knows....so that he is sure that every kid get lots of candy.  He always goes through to make sure everyone has a bucket full and has the same shit eatin grin on his face and happy laugh that he had when I was a kid after he was sure everyone had made out like bandits.

He is the dad that forbid me to join the military when I got out of high school but still showed up at the airport to say his goodbyes and be supportive even though I went against his wishes.... with sunglasses hiding his tears as I boarded the plane.

He is the dad that took us kids to every carnival in the region when we were old enough to walk and had us on roller coasters by the time we were 5 years old...he also made sure he took our friends.  He loved to ride the rides with us and mostly loved to feed us full of cotton candy and junk food.  He made us believe that carnivals where one one the best things in life and for a few years of my life...me and my friend Brandi knew for sure that we wanted a career in carnival...yes we wanted to be carnies....see this is the type of behavior my dad promoted.  I believe I remember him even laughing and telling that was a great idea.

My dad taught me how to drive.  I believe that alone deserves a Noble Peace Prize....mostly because this man can not drive...it's scary people...really really scary.  Don't get in a vehicle with this man...consider this a warning. 

He taught me and my sister how to work hard.  My dad has always been a hard worker and worked to make sure my mom could stay home and raise us girls and take care of the home...he was old school like that.  In fact I don't even know that he knows what else to do other than work.  He doesn't have hobbies.  In his mind his purpose on this earth is to provide for his family and love them.  That is what he does.  He also expect us kids to work hard and take pride in our efforts.  We were expected to have jobs as teenagers and learn how to earn a dollar..but also spoiled us at the same time...but not in a way that we had as sense of entitlement.

He treats women with respect and showed us girls and still shows us today...how a man remains faithful to the woman he loves.

My dad has a stutter.  I don't really notice it but other people do.  It's interesting how a disability makes other people uncomfortable and sometimes they say things that aren't nice.  It is hard for me not to throttle their asses and get very defensive even though I know its their own ignorance.  I know that he has been bullied and teased due to his stutter and that really upsets me... beyond any words that I could possibly write down...mostly because he is incredibly smart and sometimes doesn't have the ability to get out what he needs to say.  He has shown me how to accept myself for who I am and not worry so much about what others think or say about me...just to be me...

He is a man that spent two tours in Vietnam to fight for our freedom and earned a purple heart.  He saw things that no man should ever have to see.  Vietnam I believed changed him forever like it did many men that fought there.  For that sacrifice I will forever be grateful and will always respect him.

My dad won't see this.  He is still struggling to figure out the cell phone..my friend Kristal asked me the other day if he texted because she couldn't get him on the phone and I almost and I choked and spit on myself in a fit of laughter.... and I have lost all hope that he will ever even try to use a computer...I tried once to teach him how to use a mouse...yeah...not gonna happen.  But I thought you should know...I like him...just a little...*smiling*