Saturday, December 22, 2012

Rosa's 'It is OK' Christmas Edition

 
Do you remember a LONG time ago when I was a quick witted smart blogger that only had 13 followers? yeah whatever Well I still only have 13 followers, but I'm not bitter, really it's fine, totally fine.   Well, I had this great idea inspired by a monthly column in the Glamour magazine.  I want to make people feel like "Hey, it's OK to be weird".  One of the first posts stating "It's OK" is right here in case you missed it.  Click This Butterbuns.  

Well I think it is time for a Christmas Edition of 'It's OK'

-  It is OK to watch 'A Christmas Story' over and over and over.  Did you now that this movie was a total flop when it was released in theaters in 1983?   

Seriously, this guy is cracked out.  Who knows what he is capable of.
-  It is OK to think that stinking 'Elf on a Shelf' is just plain creepy.  If I was a kid I would be freaked out by this spindly little punk.  He just sits there with these little beady eyes thinking "I am going to watch you while you sleep little girl."  I would bet the Elf on a Shelf owns one of those suspicious conversion vans without windows.   

-  It is OK to not really be in the mood for Christmas until about 3 days before the 25th and then be all "fAAAALLLAAALAAAAA".

-  It is OK to make your little kid sit on Santa's lap even though they are screaming bloody murder, because really, there is no better picture than a kid freaked out by the big fat man in a red suit.

Classic
-  It is OK to consider SNL's 'Schweddy Ball's' skit with Alec Baldwin one of the best things that has come from Christmas.  It is the gift that just keeps giving. 



Merry Christmas from the Side.



A Tale of Two Shenanigators

(Note:  This is a post I started a few weeks ago and didn't finish.  I gots some serious writers block.  Help me people!)

 

Had a great weekend. 

The weekend started out with a date.  Date night with Trudy.  We shopped.  It is what we do well together.  We are like crack addicts cracking together.  It is a sick relationship.  We encourage each other in bad spending behavior.  But I am NOT visiting local hookah smoke shops with her, so I feel superior to some of the other parents I know.  I try to keep expectations low.

I spent quite a bit of time with my sister on Saturday.  Her and I are NOTHING alike.  Which is why I love her.  We met up with my dad and Stella for a Christmas light parade in the evening, and afterwards we decided to get some dinner.  Dad's treat of course. 

My sister has two heartbreakingly adorable naughty in a cute way girls.  They are 3 and 1.  See pic below for proof of cuteness...and also my way of showing those cute faces off.

They look innocent.  They are working up shenanigans in their head's, I know the look.

Watching my sister wrangle these two kids at any time is awesome for me.  The dialog in my head usually looks like this.  "Oh..Wow."  "Oh..My."  "Holy shit I'm exhausted just watching."  "I gotta get home." 

But I will say, watching her keep them occupied or somewhat contained while waiting for our food for WAY too long, was incredibly entertaining for myself, Stella and my dad.  Luckily my sister didn't notice we were laughing at her expense, because that is not nice.   

So in true 'Rosa' fashion, I have made a list.  This was my nieces 'to do' list for the day. 

-  Remove shoes and socks and drop them randomly while mom is strolling you in the double stroller.  Be sure to do this when she isn't looking, so she doesn't notice until you leave the building.
-  Give kisses (manipulation tactic).
-  Need to go potty, but don't actually go while on the toilet.
-  Pick your nose and eat it.
-  Eat crayons.
-  Try to dump creamer in your drink even though you are broke out in a huge rash from food allergies and you are most allergic to dairy.  Mom freaks at this one.
-  Throw a fit because you want creamer.
-  This is a good time for sweet kisses and 'I love you's'...it gets em every time.
-  Eat crayons.
-  Insist on touching all of the splenda packets.
-  Need to go potty.
-  Eat crayons.
-  Insist that you do EVERYTHING yourself.
-  Decide you don't need a lid on your drink.
-  Eat crayons.
-  Demand in a loud yell "I WANT POP!"
-  Don't stay in your chair while at the dinner table.
-  Whatever it is sister has in her hands, demand to have it and throw a fit.  NO SUBSTITUTIONS.  It doesn't matter if you really want it or not.  Just throw a fit.
-  Desperately need Chapstick, and repeat Aunt Rosa when she calls it 'Lip Shit'.
-  Eat crayons.
-  Give kisses with crayon lips.

Friday, November 23, 2012

My Thanksgiving Post


I am Thankful for:

-  Lists.  I love lists, they make me feel so productive and I love to post in lists because then I don't actually have to write full paragraphs, that is just exhausting.
-  That my computer took a crap the day before the Black Friday/Thursday sales, and a friend that will sit in line with you for hours with nothing to gain personally other than being a good friend.
-  The messy kitchen, because my kids are healthy and able to make messes.
-  Traditional Thanksgiving food.  Stop trying to mess with perfection people.  It is simple.  Turkey, potatoes, stuffing, green bean casserole (yes the pilgrims LOVED French's onions), rolls, and pie.
-  Black Ops, given to my son by a friend.  Being poor sucks, but friends make it less sucky.
-  Yoga pants.  That have NEVER been to yoga.  The closest thing I do to yoga is shaving my legs or bending over to pick up the piece of brownie I dropped on the floor.  
-  Toilet paper and indoor plumbing.
-  Seeing my friend that I have been so worried about and miss horribly, and having peace in my heart that she is OK.  She is one of the most genuinely nice people I know and is a good example of perseverance.  Love her.
-  Missing my mom.   It means that I appreciate my time with her and I feel lucky that she is still on this earth to re-unite with.
-  The broken down computer that my sister gave my son.  His goals to rebuild a computer are now more real to him.
-  AFLAC
-  That even though Thanksgiving will never be the same for my sister and me, it gives us the opportunity to make new kinds of memories that wouldn't have have been made without the changes life brings.
-  My niece and her most adorable dance moves.  She can shake that booty!  And the way her sister copies everything she does.  Two booty shakers in da house!
-  Modern Medicine - Intrauterine/fetal surgery to fix a babies spine so she can have a happy healthy life.  To see god's work...watch the video below...Love this kid.

video

-  Kids with jobs.
-  Dad's in suspenders.
-  Coffee.
-  Books.
-  Sarcasm.
-  Music and Dancing.
-  Being silly.
-  Being Me. 





Friday, October 12, 2012

We Got Issues

Everyone loves a good debate

I don't want to try to overshadow the political debates going on right now...but we have some VERY serious debates going on in our house right now.  We have had to have our own debates because the presidential debate last week was on Wednesday night and according to Rowdy...Mitt and Barrack should know that is a youth group night...he was not impressed.

Don't get me wrong I think health care, gay rights, women's rights, environmental regulation and the huge deficit are big issues....  But an even bigger issue that I would like to focus on for a moment is the fact that in my opinion...Faith Hill should NOT be singing the Sunday Night Football song.  No.  No.  No.  This song is sung to the the tune of 'I Hate Myself For Loving You' by Joan Jett and Blackhearts.  Ok...no one...NO ONE... should be doing anything Joan Jettish other than Joan Jett.  She is a bad ass and football is badass.. well at least I am assuming...I don't actually watch it.  And that is my argument...my kids however disagree and we debate this out every Sunday why do they like football?. Rowdy just thinks Faith is hot and mentioned something about her legs...and Trudy will pick country music over anything any day.  Honestly Faith and Tim make me gag...Trudy says I just don't think she should sing the song because she is love..and I don't like people in love...whatev..Bottom Line...Joan Jett could bring on some football.

No one messes with this chic
The awesomeness of the Taco Bell Doritos Loco Taco has been discussed.  Trudy says "eh''...could take it or leave it Rowdy says "It is like food porn, it is that good."  I have yet to try it...I am still trying to deal with the fact my son said the word 'porn'.  Rowdy insists that Trudy is just a buzz kill regarding the issue.  I don't know if I am willing to try anything that could be associated with porn, regardless if the person that compared to the two would actually know, but I am not taking any chances.

I think he just likes being regular
The most heated and emotional issue going is the fact that Trudy thinks that I favor Rowdy and that he is my favorite.  She has even reached out on social media to express her distress over this issue she has made up in her head.  I believe her twitter post said something like "omg..i swear he could say anything and she would think it is SOOOO funny".  Uh yeah..the kid is freakin hilare.  I would like to state for public record I love them both equally.  Not like my mom loves me and my sister 'equally'....because my mom has actually admitted I was her special girl..but I promised not to say a word to my sister...so mum's the word...wurrrrdddd?

Sunday, August 12, 2012

Picnic Crashers

Picnic Crashers....imagine 'Wedding Crashers'..the movie...only Trudy is Vince Vaughn and Rowdy is Owen Wilson...and it's a PICNIC...and I would really hope there would be a lot less sex and cussing...



I qualify for the Worst Mom of the ...well ever.. in history...for many reasons.  If you need a reminder check out I'm a sucky mom   <----click that 

I had this horrible brilliant idea driving home from work last week.  We have moved recently and there is a nice shortcut I can take to one of the main roadways in town to and from our house.  It takes you around a community park with a lake with lots of activities going on in the summer, baseball fields and lots of socializing...looks lovely if you like picnics.

I knew when I got home I would have the *annoying voice here* "what is for dinner ma"..blah blah blah.  Let me say..both of these people are old enough to make their own food...and it really annoys me that they expect me to do more than furnish the food.  These people know I do NOT like cooking.  I would rather stab myself in random body parts most days than cook food.

While driving...I thought...look at all of that food...conveniently at dinner time.  Now understand...I am a HUGE fan of saving money too.  It is perfect.  Dinner for free and I don't have to cook...thinking...thinking..



All these hungry kids need to do...is go over and join a party..I am very excited about this there are several parties going on every evening to choose from and... they can just pretend like they belong there this is brainlesss.  Eat...and then magically leave Rowdy will prolly try to score a couple of girlfriends ...AND it is practically right in our back yard I am a fan of convenience...SCORE!  Dinner... served every night folks...and it will get them out of my hair for a while.

Rowdy and Truds would be perfect for this sort of gig....they are very friendly, fun, quick witted, cute,love to talk to strangers and those two can really get their dance on...Rowdy specifically has some pretty catchy moves...and I can really see them working their way into a group of people...laughing...making other people laugh.. and making this horrible brilliant get my ass into trouble with DFS idea work..all while doing the 'Dougie'.

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

A tired talentless artist....in my head.

If I look particularly tired lately...there is a good reason for it.  It isn't because I am pushing 40...and it has nothing to do with a divorce.. moving and furniture refurbishing...a child graduating soon and leaving home I love her very much... or the fact that my momma is moving to another town....and I am used to seeing her anytime I want and I like her close by momma's girl stomping foot.  All of that sucks...really sucks.  I would say sucks balls...cuz that is one of my favorite ways to express how bad I think something sucks...but was told by my boss yesterday that it isn't appropriate.

Do you remember this face...
cute ...right?..
Well the little effer fucker is one of my favorite words lately...it goes well with sucks balls is a bed hog.  A big fat bed hog.  I have a huge bed...a big king size bed.  You would think that would be plenty of room for me and my furry friend.  No.  He insists on sleeping on the same sliver of bed I sleep on. 

I had intended on publishing a blog of pictures to show you the various positions that we move around in throughout the night.  I thought that would be very artsy...just pictures with brief explanations.  I had it all planned out in my head...because I feel like I need to share this accurately for even a little bit of sympathy.  I am an artist...I draw murals on my walls and draw fancy birthday cards...or plan to anyway...in my head.  OK..I am an artist in my head.  I started to draw the various cat/human sleeping positions that I experience nightly...and apparently... I am a talentless artist....unless you like stick figures and other figures that are supposed to look like cats.  So I am forced to fact that I am only an artist in a wine drinking art class....

A tired talentless artist....in my head.

Sunday, August 5, 2012

Sunday Confessional

I just read back the post I sent over the world wide web the other night and noticed that there was an error in one of the final paragraphs..annoying...I would like to say this an error on blogger but unfortunately I'm just a really shitty proofreader.  I don't have the patience for proofreading.  That was my apology...I'm shitty at apologies too.

I was trying to point out that Trudy would be most likely to be seen in an episode of Extreme Hoarding within a year of living on her own ....and that she is supposed to be SAVING her money not spending it at the thrift stores.  But any who....whatever.

That isn't my confession.  Anybody that has read this blog or knows me...knows to expect grammatical/proofreading errors from me.

I do have a Sunday confession.  I am prejudiced.  Don't jump to conclusions.  I love most people.  I could care less if you are black, purple, Mormon,  redneck, stupid actually I don't like stupid people, Christian, Democrat, Republican, gay, bi-sexual hey we all got to get our sex on.  You get the point.  Actually I love being around people that are different than me.  I take in every moment with strangers and have a yearning for learning different customs and way of life and learning what makes people tick.  I have a dream that was very Martin Luther eh' that someday I will be able to travel the world and talk to strangers.  I know... I dream big.

Unless you look like this...


This it is just too distracting.  I can't focus.  I can't talk to you if you look like this.  If I try to talk I usually just end up mid sentence with my train of thought....gone.  I may stare with amazement head tilted... as I imagine myself yelling "Free Yourself!"  I probably have a look of disgust too...I apologize for this.  My thoughts are read across my face without me even realizing it.    I will also assume you drive an oversize vehicle like a Hummer or something stupid like that because you clearly have no idea that sometimes less is more.  Okay...there is another prejudice...people who drive over sized vehicles.  I need to stop.....

Friday, August 3, 2012

Triple Front Helix..it is not a Gymnastic Routine

Some of  you now that Trudy is senior this school year.  I have been trying to secretly evaluate her ability to move on in her life without me to 'monitor' boss things.  So far things don't really look too good.  I may have failed her as a parent.  Through the summer break I usually get about 15 emails a day from her work email account to my work email account.  Boy.. she must stay VERY busy....pffftt...  Here are few examples of her emails:


"Yo...I'm starving and it is lunch time...what should I eat."  uhh...whatever you buy.. you have a job that pays well...or go home and make something for yourself?


"Hi momma...I love you...and I miss your face"  Cute...but I know she is about to whip out one of her GREAT ideas.


"Guess what...I'm thinking about becoming a marriage counselor or a psychiatrist"  this is where I reply that becoming a marriage counselor is probably not the best idea...since she hasn't had the best example of marriage...and so I encourage the psychiatrist idea...thinking ...free therapy...raising this kid just might pay off.


"Wadup mommasita...I think I am going to write a book"  I reply: "Oh really...you think it is that easy huh, what will the title be?"   She replies back "129 Reasons why I will never get married and become a crazy cat lady"  Apparently this child has taken on my love for lists and cats, although I'm not sure it would make a good book.


This is the last email I received today "I’ve decided that I don’t ever wanna get married or have kids...I’m just going to have 29 cats...I have the names all picked out…Wanna hear them?  I reply "Sure"...this is what mommas do...they listen to every little thing...and trust me this kid has a lot of every little things...  This is the list she sends back"

1. Fran
2. Gilbert
3. Maxwell
4. Marshall
5. Julius
6. Queerbait
7. Fluffy
8. Cupcake
9. Doughnut
10. Cutie Cakes
11. Jack Sparrow
12. Alice
13. Gretchen Wieners
14. Booger
15. Macchiato
16. Snicker
17. Butter Nugget
18. Boo
19. Ryan Reynolds (this is my favorite)
20. Babaloo
21. BoogaBooga
22. Peanut
23. Penny
24. Poofy
25. Rain
26. Skitz
27. Sunshine
28. Apple
29. Doonhopper



Anyway you get the point...these emails are cute but concerning...and I would like to know why her boss is paying her to send me emails.


Well this afternoon got very serious...she called.  She likes to call and announce herself when I answer like she is the top dog at the local insurance agency she works at...as if I don't have caller ID in the state of art laboratory I work in...yeah I know it is her before I pick up...


Today she announces herself ..and I say "yes Trudy...i know it is you"  She tells me she has a GREAT idea.  Oh trust me that is not a shocker.  She has great ideas everyday...every damn day.


Yesterday it was a masterpiece hair coloring job she wanted me to pull off I'm a retired hairdresser.  I tell her that I have a GREAT idea...my idea is that she does her laundry..clean her car and help me with some other chores.  She tells me that would make her a certified loser.  Of course she says all this is her sweet adorable quiet voice...  


She proceeds to tell me that she really really add five more really's wants to get a triple front helix.  What the eff is a triple front helix? It sounds like an acrobatic trick.  Well apparently it is a triple ear piercing. 


this looks like three holes to me...but I suck at math

Knowing I am not a fan of piercings and have already let her have one in the top of her earlobe and a small stud in her nose gross...she tells me that she will let the one in her top ear close.  Then she can get the triple front helix and it will be the same number of holes.  Ummm.. well I pride myself on my mediocre math skills and tell her that with the name triple...that would probably mean three.  She admits that it would be three...but then brightly informs me you can not get all three at the same time..and by the time she gets the other two...she will be 18.  I say.. "Oh.. well is that so."


She already knew what the answer would be before she asked.  So she whipped out what I call the 'Proposition'.  She tells me she will pay for it...well isn't that nice?  She says.."And..I would promise to keep my car clean for a whole year".  Which I already know is lie.  This child is a mess...she is a nightmare for a mom with a slight case of OCD.  Just the other day she gave my mom a heart attack...my mom looked in her car and the floor board was packed with so many clothes it flowed over onto the backseat with a couple more layers...and my mom looked at ME!  So I tell her "OK.. so you are trying to negotiate this with things you are already expected to do...even though you don't do them?"  Then she promises to keep her room clean.  At this point she is really grasping at anything.  The child is not going to keep her room clean.  Then it dawns on me this person I have raised is a liar!  She will not keep her room clean.  


I would guess that after being on her own for a year maybe lesspoint out...she is supposed to be SAVING her money.


Anyway...I'm getting off track here...the girl has a few issues lets not point fingers at which parent is to blame.  So when the conversation wasn't going her way she said well I am very busy at work...I will talk to you about this tonight.  Busy?  Busy? 


She has proceeded to try to wear me down with cute little remarks tonight it isn't working and pulling out the so and so's dad is going to let her do it.  So in typical parent fashion I say to her "If so and so jumps off cliffs will you?"  She replies back...yeah...we jump off cliffs at the lake all the time.


Hummmppphhhh.............




Saturday, July 28, 2012

I DO have important things to say!

Do you remember when I started this blog and I promised that I had important things to say...and then I didn't?  Well guess what!  I have something important to pass on...this is very exciting!    This is not the post where I am going to announce that I will be running for president with a sassy campaign slogan like .."Legalize Marijuana For a Happy America!"  I think I will need to work on covering up some of my past marriages before I run for Pres...I'm afraid to give off the 'I'm not into commitment' thing I've got going on.  I have a feeling that to be elected President...you would need people to think that you can stick with something longer than 3 1/2 months.


Anyway...back to my VERY important announcement no I'm not pregnant....Well you know I love coffee...no that's not the important thing..I have discovered a a way to drink AND keep my coffee hot.  I HAVE to have my coffee hot...not sort of hot...HOT....and I was constantly re-warming in the microwave...I drink slow...so shoot me.  Are you ready......

You can find at Shop Thermos.com ...Thermos Nissan Products



This is it!  Keeps your coffee hot for like 12 hours!  It is amazing!  And if I was Oprah...I would give one away to the whole audience!!!  But I'm not...so buy your own...or figure out how to get on my Christmas List...

Sunday, March 25, 2012

What Doesn't Kill You...makes you tired


Have you guys heard the song by Kelly Clarkston..'What doesn't kill you ...makes you stronger'.

What a line of crap.

I can not stand that quote.  Who even thought of that?  And now there is a song that takes the most stupid  quote in the WHOLE world and puts it in a nice little tune that I can not get out of my head!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Fuck Really?...what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.  No...what doesn't kill you...makes you bitter, pissed off, revengeful, and bitchy.  I know this for a fact.  One of my other faaavooorites is 'Good things come to those who wait'....and this is the motto all of my lazy kids live by.  The just think they can lay around eating our food and watching our T.V. and good things will happen to them.  They seem to be VERY confused at the idea that with hard work...blood, sweat and tears ...good things happen.

yes..with a job...comes money
I haven't blogged for a while....because I'm addicted to playing solitaire on my new Kindle Fire.  I know..pathetic.  I have this great device for reading, interneting and shit...and I'm playing solitaire.  I'm ashamed of myself.  Before I got my Kindle Fire..you rarely caught me without my nose in a book....and now...I'm playing solitaire.

I have been busy though..with other things too.  Like keeping up after this family..which is exhausting and frankly another reason I know for a fact...what doesn't kill you ...DOES NOT make you stronger.  It makes you tired.  I love them...but I am ready for them to move away.  Me and dirt guy...we love each other so  much and love spending time alone...ALONE...did you get the alone part?  But...there is no reason to believe that we will be alone anytime soon....so we are building a HUGE house....so we can pretend we are alone...  even though all of the money sucking shits will still be in the house.  We had a few hopeful moments thinking Mimi was moving after graduation this May...but somehow I have convinced her to stay here and go the local community college for the first two years.  Sometimes I am my own worst enemy.  There are days when she says she is moving...on the days she is pissed at me...but usually by the next day she has decided that living here is not too bad...I mean it's a pretty good gig they got going here.

 I'm glad she is staying...I would miss her.

Saturday, January 28, 2012

Rock Hard

Please be advised...I am eating a Large fry from Wendy's while eating..I mean writing this post...it could be a little salty...sea salty.

I titled this post Rock Hard..because I'm betting it will help me get a broader viewing audience.  Jokes on them eh'.

Rowdy has started basketball.  It is fun...watching all of the weirdo's at the local recreation center..no I don't judge watching Rowdy be adorable.  He is really good at being adorable...he always does this thing when he watches me walk in.  He looks at me and smirks and winks and I can hear him clicking his cheek...even though I'm not close enough to actually hear it.  I'm also thinking that he is cuter with his eye brows...thank god they are growing back.

When I'm there watching Rowdy, it is hard not to notice all of the people around me...working out...jerks.  I catch myself talking to myself in my head. It probably does not surprise you to know that I actually have a lot of dialog with myself going on in my head..many conversations...constantly..it is exhausting.  I'm not sure if that is a mental disorder or not.


I'm there at the 'Place of Excercise' and I see these people making healthy choices in their lives...I think to myself...me and the dirtpusher should do this.....and I actually get excited about it.  Thinking that we could do all of these activities together.  I picture us on the treadmill or elliptical.. side by side.  Laughing...visiting..and looking awesome ....I would be wearing hot yoga pants and a sports bra...showing off my six pack abs while making running look effortless...and flawless without make-up or a big tada with the hair.  He would look good too...but I'm mostly focusing on me here.  I would not be gasping for air and hanging off the side rails begging for mercy.  Then I remember I'm supposed to be watching Rowdy.

that's actually a picture of me and dirtguy...really..it is
Me yelling here.... "Way to go bud!  Way to be aggressive!  I have no idea what is going on in the game.

Then I notice the skinny lady walking the track...and I mean skinny....nothing but bones here people.  Shouldn't she be out eating a milk shake or something?  If I was that skinny I would not be exercising.

My attention goes back to the bouncing ball game...oh yeah ...basketball.  "REBOUND!  JUMP TO THE DAMN BALL!!!!"  I love being a supportive mom.

Daydreaming again...about lifting weights with the dirtdigger..he has this chest that is absolutely delicious and we may have a small make out session in the weightlifting department...or whatever you call it.

And then I notice the fat lady trying to run the track...mood killer.  Seeeee this is exactly what I am scared of...looking like this in public....my boobs bouncing uncontrollably...its not good to have large boobs..it prevents me from exercising..yeah that's the reason.

Before I know it the game is in the fourth quarter and the dirtpusher and I have been to Yoga, ran sprints, did abdominal training with the big bouncy ball and Zumba...in my head of course.  I've managed to shout out a few ...'There you go's' to Rowdy.  I think in my head about how.. if me and dirtman fit this workout regimen into our schedules like we need to...and we want to do it together...that it will mean less time with the kids in the evening doing family activities...pffttt yeah right...what i really mean is TV watching, pintrest, facebook, and blogging.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

I will NOT throw a fit

For the love of God....Change the damn toilet paper roll!
I know when I started this blog I told you I had important things to say.  Well apparently my mom was right...my idea of important may not be what others believe is important...pffft whatever.  I have yet to inform you about the issues of the world, give you good advice, teach you how too cook or how to get stains out of your carpet.  My spelling sucks and my grammar has a lot to be desired...so shoot me.  But I LOVE to make lists and publishing my lists on Blogger gives me a lot more satisfaction than just simply writing them down on paper. 

There are a lot of things I wish my kids would do...without being asked.  So...to my snot faced bratty spoiled rotten lovely children.

1.  Change the damn toilet paper roll...AND place the empty roll in the trash.  As my BFF Alyster would say.."This isn't Earth Science folks"....maybe you have to work in a science environment to get that...I don't know..

2.  Stop pushing the garbage down when it no longer will be allowed to be pushed down.  Take the damn garbage out. ....AND...drum roll here...PUT A NEW BAG IN THE CAN!

3 Hampers Folks.  They are handy little contraptions that hold dirty laundry..you have them in your rooms..if you need help locating them...see me.  They make it easy for me to gather the laundry...rather than trying to figure out what is clean and what is dirty...from the piles on the floor than you have been stepping on.

4. I know I'm pushing it here...but could you use a hanger?  Normal people use hampers and hangers. 

5.  When someone else is talking..even though we all know what you have to say is very very very important...stop yelling over the others...

6.  Don't shave your eyebrows off and then wonder why I'm calling you 'The Stupid One'.

7.  If you are gonna stress out about your grades...get out a textbook...apparently they hold information who knew?...soak it up...or get no sympathy.

8.  When I tell you to make something for yourself for dinner...that does not mean I want you to eat a whole bag of Doritos and drink a soda.

9.  Set your alarm...AND get up!

10.  Stop trying to sneak in with your shoes on thinking I won't know...I can see your footprints on the hardwood.

11.  The dirtpusher and I do not need to hear about all of the things you want and dream about...constantly.   Get a job.

And for a finale'.....Be Nice to each other.

Don't Look

It's hard to look.....

This is what the doorway coming in from our garage looks like.  This does not include other entryways into the house...the boxes filled in the garage....the piles in closets....or bags in storage....


I'm not sure what to do.  There are six of us living in a house built for a perfect family of four....you know the one that has a mom and dad and one son and one daughter.  Well we are an imperfect family of 6...7 if you count the one that flew the roost.  If you don't believe me read this ....Click Here

I asked the dirtpusher if he had any suggestions for the growing mountain...probably not my best start.  When I met him he had exactly one pair of shoes.  He does not see the need for more than one of anything and especially not shoes.  Although I feel that I am slowly teaching him the enjoyment of a few pairs of everything....different types. 

Someday I will have to tell about our first date...he showed up in plaid shorts, knee socks and clown shoes...(bless his heart)...not to mention it was hard for me to disguise my look of complete shock when he took off his ball cap and I saw he has the same hair do as my dad.  You know bald on top and a strip in the back...but that isn't the purpose of this post...for me to brag about how I have transformed him into a normal dressing human being.

Honestly when I asked the sweet man if he had any suggestions for the mess...I was only doing it because I like him to think he has input and that I listen to his ideas yeah right.  So when I sought the dirtpushers advice on how to handle this disaster...I could read what was going to come out of his mouth before he said it..he says with a chuckle ..."well.. we could start with a match..." Yeah right .... I swear that guy is smoking crack when I'm not looking.  I was hoping that he would offer to to do a total remodel of this entry way with a ton of shelves for shoes...endless hanging spots for coats, scarves and sweaters...a girl can dream.  I want it too look like this...me included

I'm on the damn WW123 plan again and I'm starving to death...in case anyone cares
I bought a new pair of shoes today....I doubt he will notice.

Monday, January 2, 2012

missed them?...eh' maybe..

Christmas Break is over....

The kids are all back.  They have all been gone since last Wednesday leaving me and the dirtpusher alone ewwlaaaaa.  It has been like heaven.  I have spent most of my time sleeping, reading, and writing..and playing super awesome wife that cooks...not my typical 'get a hotpocket..they are nutritious' act.  Did you notice there was no mention cleaning and taxiing?  Well vacation is over.  They are back in full force.

Mimi and Livy were gone to the state next door doing hockey stuff and Trudy and Rowdy were spending time with the WWDBFF that stands for wandering wee douche bag fucker face..... otherwise known as 'the father'. 

They have all slowly trickled back in. 

Mimi and Livy got back in time to party it up for New Years Eve.  They came...they showered...they left again.  I tried to make them feel guilty for leaving me alone on New Years with the dirtpusher on night shifts...but I didn't phase them.  Livy did actually look like she cared for a second and had a sweet voice when she said...'well... you can go to Grams'.  I was in bed by 9:30...and Mimi didn't bother coming home.  I only mention this small transgression because after reading my blogs...she likes to brag about how she is the 'good kid'...and I never have to talk shit about her...like I do the other kids.  Well needless to say the dirtpusher had a different outlook on it than me and Mimi...he seems to think it is a bigger issue than we do.  He thinks children should let their parents know where they are...see how I'm being the good stepmom here...I love not having to be the responsible parent.

Rowdy and Trudy came home today.  Rowdy was here for about 6 seconds and then on down the street to somebody else's house.  Trudy of course has been here and has been doing her typical.... talking talking talking talking talking talking.

I thought I would put myself out and cook dinner.  I prepared steak in some marinade for the day...made baked potatoes, green beans and salad.  And this my friends is why I don't cook..well a couple of them...mostly I'm just lazy....but...please see the following exhibits... 

Exhibit One:
meat makes me vomit
Me and Mimi don't like meat.  When Mimi found out I was cooking steak she thought I should make her a special meal that girl is nuts...(you can't please everyone I have found out..and I don't try)..and I thought I could choke it down for one meal...but yeah...I couldn't do it.  Then midmeal Trudy decided that we were trying to trick her into eating wild game and decided she didn't like hers either.  So after about 5 minutes we were all piling our meat on the dirt pushers plate while he was out of the room for a slit second...including Rowdy.  Rowdy figured there must be something wrong with it and was mysteriously "not hungry"...so basically we ate potatoes and salad.

Exhibit Two:
oops
Trudy in mid sentence about god only knows what...spilled her plate everywhere.  I may have looked at her like i was going to rip her face off and she burst out bawling "STOP YELLING AT ME".  ummmm...yelling?

Anyway..my point is...it doesn't pay for me to cook supper.

Yes...the kids are home.

Tomorrow we are having cereal.