Saturday, April 6, 2013

Resist This

I don't want to hear it from any of you.  You know... my limited viewing audience...mostly my aunts and some weirdo from China. It has been so long since I have been on this blogging site to actually write anything, that I forgot how to navigate this stupid web page.   Blooger...oops I mean Blogger is not user friendly in my opinion.  Since I have talked to you all last you need to know I prefer to be called Pepper.   So if you could all go with that I would greatly appreciate it.'s my fake persona, I get to be called whatever I want.  And I have a short attention span so Rosa is long gone...we are on to Pepper now.  My short attention span is also the problem with my random inconsistent blog posting.  I'm'...done that...what can I do that is new.

I am trying to remember what I have been doing lately that I have been so busy not to post anything.  I'm not going to make up excuses, I am still scrolling endlessly through Pinterest.  I made a New Years Resolution to stop that, but I can't.  I have kicked some other WAY worse habits and I mean way worse... though so I figure it all balances out.  Sort of like whip cream on a non fat latte'.  It's basic science. 

This post has been inspired by a HUGE crush I have. I am really not interested in dating.  Unless it is this guy...and if you are a guy and think it could be's not.  The guy I am crushing on doesn't read stupid crap like this.  He spends his time doing great things.  I am working up the courage to talk to him but am afraid I will turn nine million shades of red and stammer all over myself because I don't feel worthy of his presence.  He really doesn't even know I exist....well I did talk to him once, I said "Can I help you?"  Which he should have known meant "Can I smell you and have your babies?"  Whatever.  Apparently I didn't make a huge impression.  Maybe because my face looked like this:

This crushy thing got me to thinking about the online dating post I did a long time ago...remember this: Internet Dating 101
This was not even the full list of bad dates.  I'm shaking my head thinking about one I didn't include that was just emotionally confused.  Hung up on an older lady he had cheated on his wife with...but wanted to maybe possibly date others, but wasn't even sure about that.  Yikes.  What a mess that one was.

So I got to thinking about the irresistible profile I could put out there to maybe catch my dream man's eye.  And this is what I ended up with..

Attention Delicious:  that is what I call him...delicious
Are you interested in chatting with a single, plumpyish older lady with expensive kids and no interest in having any more.  She may be sprouting random chin hair and battling middle age hormonal acne.  She also hates showering on the weekend and snores very loudly.  Yeah.  She is a catch.  And she wants to talk to you hot stuff.

Yeah he isn't gonna be able to resist this.  Nope.