Friday, August 3, 2012

Triple Front is not a Gymnastic Routine

Some of  you now that Trudy is senior this school year.  I have been trying to secretly evaluate her ability to move on in her life without me to 'monitor' boss things.  So far things don't really look too good.  I may have failed her as a parent.  Through the summer break I usually get about 15 emails a day from her work email account to my work email account.  Boy.. she must stay VERY busy....pffftt...  Here are few examples of her emails:

"Yo...I'm starving and it is lunch time...what should I eat."  uhh...whatever you buy.. you have a job that pays well...or go home and make something for yourself?

"Hi momma...I love you...and I miss your face"  Cute...but I know she is about to whip out one of her GREAT ideas.

"Guess what...I'm thinking about becoming a marriage counselor or a psychiatrist"  this is where I reply that becoming a marriage counselor is probably not the best idea...since she hasn't had the best example of marriage...and so I encourage the psychiatrist idea...thinking therapy...raising this kid just might pay off.

"Wadup mommasita...I think I am going to write a book"  I reply: "Oh think it is that easy huh, what will the title be?"   She replies back "129 Reasons why I will never get married and become a crazy cat lady"  Apparently this child has taken on my love for lists and cats, although I'm not sure it would make a good book.

This is the last email I received today "I’ve decided that I don’t ever wanna get married or have kids...I’m just going to have 29 cats...I have the names all picked out…Wanna hear them?  I reply "Sure"...this is what mommas do...they listen to every little thing...and trust me this kid has a lot of every little things...  This is the list she sends back"

1. Fran
2. Gilbert
3. Maxwell
4. Marshall
5. Julius
6. Queerbait
7. Fluffy
8. Cupcake
9. Doughnut
10. Cutie Cakes
11. Jack Sparrow
12. Alice
13. Gretchen Wieners
14. Booger
15. Macchiato
16. Snicker
17. Butter Nugget
18. Boo
19. Ryan Reynolds (this is my favorite)
20. Babaloo
21. BoogaBooga
22. Peanut
23. Penny
24. Poofy
25. Rain
26. Skitz
27. Sunshine
28. Apple
29. Doonhopper

Anyway you get the point...these emails are cute but concerning...and I would like to know why her boss is paying her to send me emails.

Well this afternoon got very serious...she called.  She likes to call and announce herself when I answer like she is the top dog at the local insurance agency she works if I don't have caller ID in the state of art laboratory I work in...yeah I know it is her before I pick up...

Today she announces herself ..and I say "yes Trudy...i know it is you"  She tells me she has a GREAT idea.  Oh trust me that is not a shocker.  She has great ideas everyday...every damn day.

Yesterday it was a masterpiece hair coloring job she wanted me to pull off I'm a retired hairdresser.  I tell her that I have a GREAT idea is that she does her laundry..clean her car and help me with some other chores.  She tells me that would make her a certified loser.  Of course she says all this is her sweet adorable quiet voice...  

She proceeds to tell me that she really really add five more really's wants to get a triple front helix.  What the eff is a triple front helix? It sounds like an acrobatic trick.  Well apparently it is a triple ear piercing. 

this looks like three holes to me...but I suck at math

Knowing I am not a fan of piercings and have already let her have one in the top of her earlobe and a small stud in her nose gross...she tells me that she will let the one in her top ear close.  Then she can get the triple front helix and it will be the same number of holes.  Ummm.. well I pride myself on my mediocre math skills and tell her that with the name triple...that would probably mean three.  She admits that it would be three...but then brightly informs me you can not get all three at the same time..and by the time she gets the other two...she will be 18.  I say.. "Oh.. well is that so."

She already knew what the answer would be before she asked.  So she whipped out what I call the 'Proposition'.  She tells me she will pay for it...well isn't that nice?  She says.."And..I would promise to keep my car clean for a whole year".  Which I already know is lie.  This child is a mess...she is a nightmare for a mom with a slight case of OCD.  Just the other day she gave my mom a heart mom looked in her car and the floor board was packed with so many clothes it flowed over onto the backseat with a couple more layers...and my mom looked at ME!  So I tell her "OK.. so you are trying to negotiate this with things you are already expected to do...even though you don't do them?"  Then she promises to keep her room clean.  At this point she is really grasping at anything.  The child is not going to keep her room clean.  Then it dawns on me this person I have raised is a liar!  She will not keep her room clean.  

I would guess that after being on her own for a year maybe lesspoint out...she is supposed to be SAVING her money.

Anyway...I'm getting off track here...the girl has a few issues lets not point fingers at which parent is to blame.  So when the conversation wasn't going her way she said well I am very busy at work...I will talk to you about this tonight.  Busy?  Busy? 

She has proceeded to try to wear me down with cute little remarks tonight it isn't working and pulling out the so and so's dad is going to let her do it.  So in typical parent fashion I say to her "If so and so jumps off cliffs will you?"  She replies back...yeah...we jump off cliffs at the lake all the time.


1 comment:

  1. I like it!! Lmao Like it alot!! You need to write more it makes me laugh and you have knack for it.