Saturday, December 31, 2011 friend

I started this post a few months ago after a dear friend of mine passed away suddenly.  It was too hard to finish at the time...but I look back now with a smile on my face.  I feel so lucky to have been able to call him my friend.

I feel like I am getting back to normal....shut up...I mean my normal..

My friend DNorm died a few weeks ago and I have been soooo sooo sad..I know...get over it...move on...that's what I am doing!

I am also taking care of his cat...he loved this cat...actually he loved this cat more than he loved me I know this for a fact....I was always a pain in his ass......and who wouldn't love this furry feline.  He is adorable...loves to be loved and kissed and dragged around.....

i will forever take care of this sweet face

But I hope that David is enjoying know in the arms of God's love surrounded by love and kindness and eternal happiness...cuz I have been very busy cleaning up cat hair and scooping a litter box....

I was thinking recently about a trip to Mexico last October where we met up and did a few fun things.

On one of our excursions we visited Chichen of the ancient Mayan ruins.  We signed up for this trip at the last minute...DNorms idea of course...not the part of visiting the ruins..but the part of planning to do it the very last second...which totally goes against my grain...I'm a planner... and he liked to pull shit out of his ass.  But we pulled it off...and we where excited to take a luxury bus with a fabulous lunch with FREE all you can drink drinks and a traditional Mayan meal at the site.  The brochure specifically said 'luxury'.

The luxury bus turned out to be a cramped tourist trap full of sweaty people and the lunch.. consisted of a dry and tasteless turkey sandwich... and the drink that came with it looked like this..----->

I think it may have contained barely over 2 ounces...which was hilarious to watch DNorm drink because this was a very large man drinking out of a juice box smaller than his hand with an itty bitty straw.  Very thirst quenching for him I'm sure...very luxurious.  I thought I would live large and have a free diet soda.  Let me tell you this before you are dup'd in Mexico...the diet soda doesn't taste like diet soda.  I took one drink..gagged and attempted to hang onto the can the entire very bumpy bus ride in hopes of finding a trash at the end of the ride.

Well...I hung on to the can...if that counts for anything.  I managed to spill most of it all over DNorm due to the bumpy ride and because the arm rest I was using kept slipping...this is the type of shit I would do to annoy him on accident....everytime I would spill down his leg and into his flip flop....he would do this ..."hummmphhh"...*rolling of the eyes" thing he tended to do to me a lot. 

We also spent a day in Cancun.  DNorm thought it would be 'fun' to take Mexican public transportation to reach Cancun.  Our day included a beautiful beach, my debit card forgotten in an ATM machine, eating a great Mexican meal and dancing, haggling with shopkeepers, a pirate cruise along with a heart to heart regarding some of the things weighing deep in the big guy's heart.

I will forever be grateful.


Call us the Diggers

You can call us the Diggers...its like the opposite of the Duggers.

I am the unsuccessful version Michelle Dugger and everything she strives for.  I have failed and will continue to fail at what I call the 'Michelle Dugger'.  I am about 14 kids short...and I have a brain in my head.   That is something the dirtpushers momma would say..and she would probably call Michelle a dirty bird.  And trust me the dirtpusher is no Jim Bob.

It shocks people..  telling them I have five kids probably cuz I look so young.  Technically only two of them were removed from abdomen by a guy in scrubs and what I imagine to be a VERY big knife....wanna see my scars?  But I feel like I should be free to claim every damn one of these little slob faces as my own.  For many reasons....first of all...they are all adorable, smart and talented.  Who wouldn't want to claim those cute people?  Second of all I spend HOURS and hours a week cleaning up after all of these smart mouthed brats and doing mountains of laundry.  Well technically I don't clean up after the oldest, Dirk..he has what we like to call 'flew the roost' we thank god everyday...but he is annoyingly cute and really fun to trick into eating dog biscuits.  I very highly doubt that Michelle Dugger has tricked any of her kids into eating dog food.  She should try creates a classic family memory.  And I don't think Michelle would telephone her kid talking in a deep southern accent and call herself Louise.. and tell him that he still owes $200 for the taxes on his truck after he was ecstatic that the cost was not nearly what he thought it was going to be...that is just plain mean...I love being a step-mom.

Michelle Dugger does not feel the need to work outside the home.  I do.  I have to get the hell out of here at least 5 days a week.  It is for my sanity...and to support my love for new clothes, shoes, jewelry and handbags.  And I'm too bossy...I could not allow Jim Bob to run the show...I insist on helping and giving my much needed opinions...and I know that the dirtpusher enjoys my input on just about everything...I'm not sure Jim Bob would appreciate tolerate it the way the dirtpusher does.
My kids are also not trained to take care of each other and are rarely kind to one another.  There is conflict of some sort 100% of the time.  It will depend on what to who can not stand who..they silently form alliances..but this changes daily...but they do NOT act like the Dugger kids.  If one of my kids does something nice for one of the others it is most likely because they want something expensive.  I bet the Dugger kids never want expensive jeans or expect new cars... and are happy with hand me downs....well not the Digger kids...they want it ALL.

I have actually seen my kids do worse to each Michelle and Jim Bob's kids don't beat the crap out of each other....

I also do not have a large sparkling clean house like Michelle.  My floors sparkle for approximately 5 seconds after scrubbing and that is only if I yell loudly.  I doubt Michelle Dugger yells at her snot faced kids.  I even tried to hire a cleaning lady and she visited once and said she would call back...and she is now MIA....seriously..I need help.

My kids cuss.  This I can assure you does not happen in the Dugger home.  Rowdy Digger went hunting with his Uncle B-Rad and his Uncle B-Rad's brother.. Richard.. this last deer hunting season, and cute witty little Rowdy Digger made one Dick joke after another until both grown men were blushing...and now apparently Dick Richard doesn't want to go hunting with little Rowdy anymore....  And Livy's mouth... she can make a sailor uncomfortable...bless her heart. Mrs. Digger... ignore my kids whenever humanly possible.  Do you think Michelle Dugger pretends her kids don't exist..I don't think so.  Does Michelle Dugger get tired of the sound of her children's voices...going on and on and on and on and on?  No.  I also have never seen Michelle bury herself so far into a book that all hell is breaking loose around her and she takes no notice...she would never let that happen.

Michelle's kids are also always dressed so sweetly and clean and nice.  A successful day in my house means that Livy hasn't put something on that has been trampled on for weeks due to her inability to use a clothes hamper or a hanger.  My kids wake up approximately 2 minutes before they need to leave the house and I feel a rush of pride if they have brushed their teeth.  How much do you want to bet Michelle's kids brush morning and night?

The way Michelle looks at Jim Bob with such patience and love at all times is almost unbelievable spare me...I can tell you one thing...I would shoot the dirtpusher in the eye if he had impregnated me 20 some times.. I bet i could give Michelle a few lessons on how to tell Jim Bob to get a damn magazine...if you know what I mean.

i really think she should kick him
Yeah...just call us the Diggers.