Monday, November 25, 2013

Expressing Gratitude

I am unquestionably and genuinely thankful.  I swear.  I did my scuzzy 2nd Annual 'Shit I'm not Thankful' post last week. 

You can see it here: I'm a Jerk 

I still feel like a schmuck and I didn't even begin to cover the things I'm not thankful for. I almost didn't even post it but I hate to see my efforts go to waste.  And there was effort.  I could have been laying in my bed watching several season's of Dexter playing solitaire on my phone, which is my favorite thing to do right now.

I'm glad I got the shit post out of the way so I can say some great things because life if good.  Outstanding actually.  And I have some thankfulness to share with you.    

I am thankful for my emotional personality.  I don't mean that I lay around and cry about things.  I mean,  that I feel things incredibly deep in my soul and every fiber of my being.  And I am thankful for that.  I am able to take on other people's feelings as my own and that allows me to connect with them on a level that I don't think I would be able to otherwise.

I am thankful for my quirkiness.  My ability to live in the moment and spontaneously.  For my love of new things, constant change and my ability to put an artistic touch on even the most mundane things.   I'm thankful for my free soul and that I know who I am. These things make my life refreshing and gratifying.

I am thankful for the ability to provide my daughter with a reliable car on her 16th birthday.  She deserved it and I deserved to give it to her.  One of the best gifts I ever gave.  It is still giving.  It will provide her safe transportation home for Thanksgiving.  I am grateful.  But I will be damn grateful when it is paid off.

I am thankful for my oversized, thick and deliciously warm Nike sweat pants.  Hey, it's cold out and they feel soooooooo damn good.  Was that too intense? 

I am thankful that I still have my parents on this earth to love on.  To laugh with, love with, share with, cry with, rejoice with and count on.

I'm thankful for my sister, aunts and sisterly friends that love me despite my odd behaviors and emotional decisions.  For friends that help with the kids when I need help chauferring and am unable to be at two places at once.

I am thankful for the dads that DO laugh and talk to me and don't make me feel less than human.  There is one that isn't afraid to chat it up with me at the kids games and social functions and I love our chats.  He is HILARIOUS.

I am thankful for my job/jobs.  They provide me and the kids the comforts that make life comfortable.  Coffee, handbags, shoes, clothes, jewelry, handbags.  Yes I know I said handbags twice.

I am thankful for the balance of parent and friendship I have with my kids.  I love that my son calls me ma'am but that even still, we laugh and drop it like it's hot at random moments. That means dance, for all you older folk.

I'm thankful that I can see beauty and love people who are different than me and that my kids can do the same. 

I'm thankful for all of you.

With a grateful heart,
Happy Thanksgiving.

Thursday, November 21, 2013

Shit I'm Not Thankful For

Disclaimer:  There will be a lot of cussing in this post, because the New Years Resolution I made not to cuss didn't take.  Also, I would like to point out I am an extremely gracious person regardless of what a shitty asshole I may sound like in this post.  And I do sound like a shitty asshole.  I read it.  I think I might have some things to work out. 

1.  Car repairs.  I don't know why a gal can't just pick out a car that is suitable for her needs and drive that sucker I wanted to say fucker forever...No Hassle or need to call my brother-in-law.  He is sick of my shit.  No new tires, CV Joints I don't even know what that is, brakes, whatever.  Nothing...just drive and drive and drive till you die.  Period.

2.  Thanksgiving posts everyday on Facebook in November about how grateful everyone is.  Nobody cares.  You better be damn thankful for your kids, parents,  job, life, air, food, whathaveyou all year long.  YOU ARE BLESSED EVERYDAY.  But if you are going to do them, be creative at least. 

3.  Marketers.  People who reach me through social media, random text or phone call to 'get together'.  I get all excited that someone actually wants to be my friend this is rare and then I quickly realize after I have paid for lunch, that they really just want to sell me something.  If I want to buy something, I will get in touch with YOU.  This has actually happened to me numerous times, I'm a slow learner and apparently desperate for friends.  Also, 'friends' that don't talk to me unless they are inviting me to some sort of selling party.  I don't want your fucking coffee or jewelry.  What part of single, working two jobs, trying to feed a teenage boy do these people not understand.  I'm broke.  Piss poor broke.  I have even contemplated re-using coffee grounds.  So I am not buying your overpriced beans. I bet I'm losing friends by the second here.  When I say I am not interested, that won't change in a couple days.

4.  Fun size candy bars.  Fuck you fun size candy bars.  You are nothing but a tease.  What is fun, is eating the whole damn bag.  Until you are done...

5.  Fakeness.  Okay, so I have been loving the shit out of these random facts about people on Facebook. I know,  I'm nosy.  People are interesting, I love em and I have learned some interesting things about my friends.   First of all, most of them are actually much more creative than I had thought.  But there always has to be that one person that fucks it up with "1.  I like rainbows.  2.  I like Christmas."  I said that in a fake voice in case you couldn't hear it through the text of this. We the people of Facebook want the dirt.  Period. Give us something good.  You cheated on your third grade boyfriend with a 5th grader slut, you have furry patches of hair that grows on the top of your toes and you wax it.  Maybe you only sweat out of one arm pit, maybe that's me.  We, your friends, need the good stuff.  I would appreciate all skeletons out of the closet.  I would give you mine but they have all escaped because I have a big mouth.
6.  The asshole that lives down the street and drives a silver VW Beetle.  Every time I see it coming down the street I think it is my kid.  I miss my kid.
7. Extreme right and left wing political people and all their bullshit.  Stop it.  Obama is not a terrorist nor is he the second coming of Jesus.
8.  Bullies.  I think this one was on my list last year too.  Whatever, I still am not thankful for them.  These assholes are everywhere.  I get a real charge out of the Anti-Bullying programs in the schools, led by bullies.  It's cute.  And by cute I mean NOT cute.
9.  Cellphones.  I'm guilty of browsing while I should be listening sometimes my kids are VERY boring, I'm working on it.  But if you are walking around in public places yappin' your jaws or checking out at a store while on your phone, you are a narcissistic asshole of an asshole.  Yesterday I witnessed a lady special ordering something meanwhile her cell phone rang and rather than sending the call to voicemail, she just chatted away.  The poor salesclerk was trying to get information and the lady was talking on her phone, the sales lady didn't know what she was doing because she was new.  It was ridiculous and shameful, not to mention extremely frazzling to watch and keep my mouth shut.  Don't you want to be in the moment?  Build relationships with everyone you talk to?  Enjoy your surroundings? 
10.  Awkward Dads.  OK this is a silent issue no one talks about.  When you are a single mom, none of the married dads will talk to you or look you in the eye.  They pretty much like to pretend you don't exist.  I've actually had men literally turn and walk away from me after I tried to send a friendly greeting, not even showing any decency what so ever as a human being.   Well, here is the problem.  When your kid is friends with my kid, you are going to have to talk to me at some point.  Get used to it.  There isn't a dad in this situation to chat it up with and if there are arrangements to be made, I'm your gal.  Don't worry I'm not going to try to hump your leg or make you do nasty things with me.  I don't want you and neither does your wife more than likely.  So consider yourself safe with me.  I'm actually pretty fun to get to know, give me a chance.

Clearly I'm a jerk.  I will start on my Thankful post right now.  Hopefully lots of graciousness will cancel all of this out.  Amen.