Rosa's 'It is OK' Christmas Edition

 

Do you remember a LONG time ago when I was a quick witted smart blogger that only had 13 followers? yeah whatever Well I still only have 13 followers, but I'm not bitter, really it's fine, totally fine.   Well, I had this great idea inspired by a monthly column in the Glamour magazine.  I want to make people feel like "Hey, it's OK to be weird".  One of the first posts stating "It's OK" is right here in case you missed it.  Click This Butterbuns.  

Well I think it is time for a Christmas Edition of 'It's OK'

-  It is OK to watch 'A Christmas Story' over and over and over.  Did you now that this movie was a total flop when it was released in theaters in 1983?   

Seriously, this guy is cracked out.  Who knows what he is capable of.

-  It is OK to think that stinking 'Elf on a Shelf' is just plain creepy.  If I was a kid I would be freaked out by this spindly little punk.  He just sits there with these little beady eyes thinking "I am going to watch you while you sleep little girl."  I would bet the Elf on a Shelf owns one of those suspicious conversion vans without windows.   

-  It is OK to not really be in the mood for Christmas until about 3 days before the 25th and then be all "fAAAALLLAAALAAAAA".

-  It is OK to make your little kid sit on Santa's lap even though they are screaming bloody murder, because really, there is no better picture than a kid freaked out by the big fat man in a red suit.

Classic

-  It is OK to consider SNL's 'Schweddy Ball's' skit with Alec Baldwin one of the best things that has come from Christmas.  It is the gift that just keeps giving. 

Merry Christmas from the Side.

A Tale of Two Shenanigators

(Note:  This is a post I started a few weeks ago and didn't finish.  I gots some serious writers block.  Help me people!)

 

Had a great weekend. 

The weekend started out with a date.  Date night with Trudy.  We shopped.  It is what we do well together.  We are like crack addicts cracking together.  It is a sick relationship.  We encourage each other in bad spending behavior.  But I am NOT visiting local hookah smoke shops with her, so I feel superior to some of the other parents I know.  I try to keep expectations low.

I spent quite a bit of time with my sister on Saturday.  Her and I are NOTHING alike.  Which is why I love her.  We met up with my dad and Stella for a Christmas light parade in the evening, and afterwards we decided to get some dinner.  Dad's treat of course. 

My sister has two heartbreakingly adorable naughty in a cute way girls.  They are 3 and 1.  See pic below for proof of cuteness...and also my way of showing those cute faces off.

They look innocent.  They are working up shenanigans in their head's, I know the look.

Watching my sister wrangle these two kids at any time is awesome for me.  The dialog in my head usually looks like this.  "Oh..Wow."  "Oh..My."  "Holy shit I'm exhausted just watching."  "I gotta get home." 

But I will say, watching her keep them occupied or somewhat contained while waiting for our food for WAY too long, was incredibly entertaining for myself, Stella and my dad.  Luckily my sister didn't notice we were laughing at her expense, because that is not nice.   

So in true 'Rosa' fashion, I have made a list.  This was my nieces 'to do' list for the day. 

-  Remove shoes and socks and drop them randomly while mom is strolling you in the double stroller.  Be sure to do this when she isn't looking, so she doesn't notice until you leave the building.
-  Give kisses (manipulation tactic).
-  Need to go potty, but don't actually go while on the toilet.
-  Pick your nose and eat it.
-  Eat crayons.
-  Try to dump creamer in your drink even though you are broke out in a huge rash from food allergies and you are most allergic to dairy.  Mom freaks at this one.
-  Throw a fit because you want creamer.
-  This is a good time for sweet kisses and 'I love you's'...it gets em every time.
-  Eat crayons.
-  Insist on touching all of the splenda packets.
-  Need to go potty.
-  Eat crayons.
-  Insist that you do EVERYTHING yourself.
-  Decide you don't need a lid on your drink.
-  Eat crayons.
-  Demand in a loud yell "I WANT POP!"
-  Don't stay in your chair while at the dinner table.
-  Whatever it is sister has in her hands, demand to have it and throw a fit.  NO SUBSTITUTIONS.  It doesn't matter if you really want it or not.  Just throw a fit.
-  Desperately need Chapstick, and repeat Aunt Rosa when she calls it 'Lip Shit'.
-  Eat crayons.
-  Give kisses with crayon lips.

My Thanksgiving Post

I am Thankful for:

-  Lists.  I love lists, they make me feel so productive and I love to post in lists because then I don't actually have to write full paragraphs, that is just exhausting.
-  That my computer took a crap the day before the Black Friday/Thursday sales, and a friend that will sit in line with you for hours with nothing to gain personally other than being a good friend.
-  The messy kitchen, because my kids are healthy and able to make messes.
-  Traditional Thanksgiving food.  Stop trying to mess with perfection people.  It is simple.  Turkey, potatoes, stuffing, green bean casserole (yes the pilgrims LOVED French's onions), rolls, and pie.
-  Black Ops, given to my son by a friend.  Being poor sucks, but friends make it less sucky.
-  Yoga pants.  That have NEVER been to yoga.  The closest thing I do to yoga is shaving my legs or bending over to pick up the piece of brownie I dropped on the floor.  
-  Toilet paper and indoor plumbing.
-  Seeing my friend that I have been so worried about and miss horribly, and having peace in my heart that she is OK.  She is one of the most genuinely nice people I know and is a good example of perseverance.  Love her.
-  Missing my mom.   It means that I appreciate my time with her and I feel lucky that she is still on this earth to re-unite with.
-  The broken down computer that my sister gave my son.  His goals to rebuild a computer are now more real to him.
-  AFLAC
-  That even though Thanksgiving will never be the same for my sister and me, it gives us the opportunity to make new kinds of memories that wouldn't have have been made without the changes life brings.
-  My niece and her most adorable dance moves.  She can shake that booty!  And the way her sister copies everything she does.  Two booty shakers in da house!
-  Modern Medicine - Intrauterine/fetal surgery to fix a babies spine so she can have a happy healthy life.  To see god's work...watch the video below...Love this kid.

-  Kids with jobs.
-  Dad's in suspenders.
-  Coffee.
-  Books.
-  Sarcasm.
-  Music and Dancing.
-  Being silly.
-  Being Me. 

We Got Issues

Everyone loves a good debate

I don't want to try to overshadow the political debates going on right now...but we have some VERY serious debates going on in our house right now.  We have had to have our own debates because the presidential debate last week was on Wednesday night and according to Rowdy...Mitt and Barrack should know that is a youth group night...he was not impressed.

Don't get me wrong I think health care, gay rights, women's rights, environmental regulation and the huge deficit are big issues....  But an even bigger issue that I would like to focus on for a moment is the fact that in my opinion...Faith Hill should NOT be singing the Sunday Night Football song.  No.  No.  No.  This song is sung to the the tune of 'I Hate Myself For Loving You' by Joan Jett and Blackhearts.  Ok...no one...NO ONE... should be doing anything Joan Jettish other than Joan Jett.  She is a bad ass and football is badass.. well at least I am assuming...I don't actually watch it.  And that is my argument...my kids however disagree and we debate this out every Sunday why do they like football?. Rowdy just thinks Faith is hot and mentioned something about her legs...and Trudy will pick country music over anything any day.  Honestly Faith and Tim make me gag...Trudy says I just don't think she should sing the song because she is love..and I don't like people in love...whatev..Bottom Line...Joan Jett could bring on some football.

No one messes with this chic

The awesomeness of the Taco Bell Doritos Loco Taco has been discussed.  Trudy says "eh''...could take it or leave it Rowdy says "It is like food porn, it is that good."  I have yet to try it...I am still trying to deal with the fact my son said the word 'porn'.  Rowdy insists that Trudy is just a buzz kill regarding the issue.  I don't know if I am willing to try anything that could be associated with porn, regardless if the person that compared to the two would actually know, but I am not taking any chances.

I think he just likes being regular

The most heated and emotional issue going is the fact that Trudy thinks that I favor Rowdy and that he is my favorite.  She has even reached out on social media to express her distress over this issue she has made up in her head.  I believe her twitter post said something like "omg..i swear he could say anything and she would think it is SOOOO funny".  Uh yeah..the kid is freakin hilare.  I would like to state for public record I love them both equally.  Not like my mom loves me and my sister 'equally'....because my mom has actually admitted I was her special girl..but I promised not to say a word to my sister...so mum's the word...wurrrrdddd?

Picnic Crashers

Picnic Crashers....imagine 'Wedding Crashers'..the movie...only Trudy is Vince Vaughn and Rowdy is Owen Wilson...and it's a PICNIC...and I would really hope there would be a lot less sex and cussing...

I qualify for the Worst Mom of the ...well ever.. in history...for many reasons.  If you need a reminder check out I'm a sucky mom   <----click that 

I had this horrible brilliant idea driving home from work last week.  We have moved recently and there is a nice shortcut I can take to one of the main roadways in town to and from our house.  It takes you around a community park with a lake with lots of activities going on in the summer, baseball fields and lots of socializing...looks lovely if you like picnics.

I knew when I got home I would have the *annoying voice here* "what is for dinner ma"..blah blah blah.  Let me say..both of these people are old enough to make their own food...and it really annoys me that they expect me to do more than furnish the food.  These people know I do NOT like cooking.  I would rather stab myself in random body parts most days than cook food.

While driving...I thought...look at all of that food...conveniently at dinner time.  Now understand...I am a HUGE fan of saving money too.  It is perfect.  Dinner for free and I don't have to cook...thinking...thinking..

All these hungry kids need to do...is go over and join a party..I am very excited about this there are several parties going on every evening to choose from and... they can just pretend like they belong there this is brainlesss.  Eat...and then magically leave Rowdy will prolly try to score a couple of girlfriends ...AND it is practically right in our back yard I am a fan of convenience...SCORE!  Dinner... served every night folks...and it will get them out of my hair for a while.

Rowdy and Truds would be perfect for this sort of gig....they are very friendly, fun, quick witted, cute,love to talk to strangers and those two can really get their dance on...Rowdy specifically has some pretty catchy moves...and I can really see them working their way into a group of people...laughing...making other people laugh.. and making this horrible brilliant get my ass into trouble with DFS idea work..all while doing the 'Dougie'.

A tired talentless artist....in my head.

If I look particularly tired lately...there is a good reason for it.  It isn't because I am pushing 40...and it has nothing to do with a divorce.. moving and furniture refurbishing...a child graduating soon and leaving home I love her very much... or the fact that my momma is moving to another town....and I am used to seeing her anytime I want and I like her close by momma's girl stomping foot.  All of that sucks...really sucks.  I would say sucks balls...cuz that is one of my favorite ways to express how bad I think something sucks...but was told by my boss yesterday that it isn't appropriate.

Do you remember this face...

cute ...right?..

Well the little effer fucker is one of my favorite words lately...it goes well with sucks balls is a bed hog.  A big fat bed hog.  I have a huge bed...a big king size bed.  You would think that would be plenty of room for me and my furry friend.  No.  He insists on sleeping on the same sliver of bed I sleep on. 

I had intended on publishing a blog of pictures to show you the various positions that we move around in throughout the night.  I thought that would be very artsy...just pictures with brief explanations.  I had it all planned out in my head...because I feel like I need to share this accurately for even a little bit of sympathy.  I am an artist...I draw murals on my walls and draw fancy birthday cards...or plan to anyway...in my head.  OK..I am an artist in my head.  I started to draw the various cat/human sleeping positions that I experience nightly...and apparently... I am a talentless artist....unless you like stick figures and other figures that are supposed to look like cats.  So I am forced to fact that I am only an artist in a wine drinking art class....

A tired talentless artist....in my head.

Sunday Confessional

I just read back the post I sent over the world wide web the other night and noticed that there was an error in one of the final paragraphs..annoying...I would like to say this an error on blogger but unfortunately I'm just a really shitty proofreader.  I don't have the patience for proofreading.  That was my apology...I'm shitty at apologies too.

I was trying to point out that Trudy would be most likely to be seen in an episode of Extreme Hoarding within a year of living on her own ....and that she is supposed to be SAVING her money not spending it at the thrift stores.  But any who....whatever.

That isn't my confession.  Anybody that has read this blog or knows me...knows to expect grammatical/proofreading errors from me.

I do have a Sunday confession.  I am prejudiced.  Don't jump to conclusions.  I love most people.  I could care less if you are black, purple, Mormon,  redneck, stupid actually I don't like stupid people, Christian, Democrat, Republican, gay, bi-sexual hey we all got to get our sex on.  You get the point.  Actually I love being around people that are different than me.  I take in every moment with strangers and have a yearning for learning different customs and way of life and learning what makes people tick.  I have a dream that was very Martin Luther eh' that someday I will be able to travel the world and talk to strangers.  I know... I dream big.

Unless you look like this...

This it is just too distracting.  I can't focus.  I can't talk to you if you look like this.  If I try to talk I usually just end up mid sentence with my train of thought....gone.  I may stare with amazement head tilted... as I imagine myself yelling "Free Yourself!"  I probably have a look of disgust too...I apologize for this.  My thoughts are read across my face without me even realizing it.    I will also assume you drive an oversize vehicle like a Hummer or something stupid like that because you clearly have no idea that sometimes less is more.  Okay...there is another prejudice...people who drive over sized vehicles.  I need to stop.....