Rock Hard

Please be advised...I am eating a Large fry from Wendy's while eating..I mean writing this post...it could be a little salty...sea salty.

I titled this post Rock Hard..because I'm betting it will help me get a broader viewing audience.  Jokes on them eh'.

Rowdy has started basketball.  It is fun...watching all of the weirdo's at the local recreation center..no I don't judge watching Rowdy be adorable.  He is really good at being adorable...he always does this thing when he watches me walk in.  He looks at me and smirks and winks and I can hear him clicking his cheek...even though I'm not close enough to actually hear it.  I'm also thinking that he is cuter with his eye brows...thank god they are growing back.

When I'm there watching Rowdy, it is hard not to notice all of the people around me...working out...jerks.  I catch myself talking to myself in my head. It probably does not surprise you to know that I actually have a lot of dialog with myself going on in my head..many conversations...constantly..it is exhausting.  I'm not sure if that is a mental disorder or not.

I'm there at the 'Place of Excercise' and I see these people making healthy choices in their lives...I think to myself...me and the dirtpusher should do this.....and I actually get excited about it.  Thinking that we could do all of these activities together.  I picture us on the treadmill or elliptical.. side by side.  Laughing...visiting..and looking awesome ....I would be wearing hot yoga pants and a sports bra...showing off my six pack abs while making running look effortless...and flawless without make-up or a big tada with the hair.  He would look good too...but I'm mostly focusing on me here.  I would not be gasping for air and hanging off the side rails begging for mercy.  Then I remember I'm supposed to be watching Rowdy.

that's actually a picture of me and dirtguy...really..it is

Me yelling here.... "Way to go bud!  Way to be aggressive!  I have no idea what is going on in the game.

Then I notice the skinny lady walking the track...and I mean skinny....nothing but bones here people.  Shouldn't she be out eating a milk shake or something?  If I was that skinny I would not be exercising.

My attention goes back to the bouncing ball game...oh yeah ...basketball.  "REBOUND!  JUMP TO THE DAMN BALL!!!!"  I love being a supportive mom.

Daydreaming again...about lifting weights with the dirtdigger..he has this chest that is absolutely delicious and we may have a small make out session in the weightlifting department...or whatever you call it.

And then I notice the fat lady trying to run the track...mood killer.  Seeeee this is exactly what I am scared of...looking like this in public....my boobs bouncing uncontrollably...its not good to have large boobs..it prevents me from exercising..yeah that's the reason.

Before I know it the game is in the fourth quarter and the dirtpusher and I have been to Yoga, ran sprints, did abdominal training with the big bouncy ball and Zumba...in my head of course.  I've managed to shout out a few ...'There you go's' to Rowdy.  I think in my head about how.. if me and dirtman fit this workout regimen into our schedules like we need to...and we want to do it together...that it will mean less time with the kids in the evening doing family activities...pffttt yeah right...what i really mean is TV watching, pintrest, facebook, and blogging.

I will NOT throw a fit

For the love of God....Change the damn toilet paper roll!

I know when I started this blog I told you I had important things to say.  Well apparently my mom was right...my idea of important may not be what others believe is important...pffft whatever.  I have yet to inform you about the issues of the world, give you good advice, teach you how too cook or how to get stains out of your carpet.  My spelling sucks and my grammar has a lot to be desired...so shoot me.  But I LOVE to make lists and publishing my lists on Blogger gives me a lot more satisfaction than just simply writing them down on paper. 

There are a lot of things I wish my kids would do...without being asked.  So...to my snot faced bratty spoiled rotten lovely children.

1.  Change the damn toilet paper roll...AND place the empty roll in the trash.  As my BFF Alyster would say.."This isn't Earth Science folks"....maybe you have to work in a science environment to get that...I don't know..

2.  Stop pushing the garbage down when it no longer will be allowed to be pushed down.  Take the damn garbage out. ....AND...drum roll here...PUT A NEW BAG IN THE CAN!

3 Hampers Folks.  They are handy little contraptions that hold dirty laundry..you have them in your rooms..if you need help locating them...see me.  They make it easy for me to gather the laundry...rather than trying to figure out what is clean and what is dirty...from the piles on the floor than you have been stepping on.

4. I know I'm pushing it here...but could you use a hanger?  Normal people use hampers and hangers. 

5.  When someone else is talking..even though we all know what you have to say is very very very important...stop yelling over the others...

6.  Don't shave your eyebrows off and then wonder why I'm calling you 'The Stupid One'.

7.  If you are gonna stress out about your grades...get out a textbook...apparently they hold information who knew?...soak it up...or get no sympathy.

8.  When I tell you to make something for yourself for dinner...that does not mean I want you to eat a whole bag of Doritos and drink a soda.

9.  Set your alarm...AND get up!

10.  Stop trying to sneak in with your shoes on thinking I won't know...I can see your footprints on the hardwood.

11.  The dirtpusher and I do not need to hear about all of the things you want and dream about...constantly.   Get a job.

And for a finale'.....Be Nice to each other.

Don't Look

It's hard to look.....

This is what the doorway coming in from our garage looks like.  This does not include other entryways into the house...the boxes filled in the garage....the piles in closets....or bags in storage....

I'm not sure what to do.  There are six of us living in a house built for a perfect family of four....you know the one that has a mom and dad and one son and one daughter.  Well we are an imperfect family of 6...7 if you count the one that flew the roost.  If you don't believe me read this ....Click Here

I asked the dirtpusher if he had any suggestions for the growing mountain...probably not my best start.  When I met him he had exactly one pair of shoes.  He does not see the need for more than one of anything and especially not shoes.  Although I feel that I am slowly teaching him the enjoyment of a few pairs of everything....different types. 

Someday I will have to tell about our first date...he showed up in plaid shorts, knee socks and clown shoes...(bless his heart)...not to mention it was hard for me to disguise my look of complete shock when he took off his ball cap and I saw he has the same hair do as my dad.  You know bald on top and a strip in the back...but that isn't the purpose of this post...for me to brag about how I have transformed him into a normal dressing human being.

Honestly when I asked the sweet man if he had any suggestions for the mess...I was only doing it because I like him to think he has input and that I listen to his ideas yeah right.  So when I sought the dirtpushers advice on how to handle this disaster...I could read what was going to come out of his mouth before he said it..he says with a chuckle ..."well.. we could start with a match..." Yeah right .... I swear that guy is smoking crack when I'm not looking.  I was hoping that he would offer to to do a total remodel of this entry way with a ton of shelves for shoes...endless hanging spots for coats, scarves and sweaters...a girl can dream.  I want it too look like this...me included

I'm on the damn WW123 plan again and I'm starving to death...in case anyone cares

I bought a new pair of shoes today....I doubt he will notice.

missed them?...eh' maybe..

Christmas Break is over....

The kids are all back.  They have all been gone since last Wednesday leaving me and the dirtpusher alone ewwlaaaaa.  It has been like heaven.  I have spent most of my time sleeping, reading, and writing..and playing super awesome wife that cooks...not my typical 'get a hotpocket..they are nutritious' act.  Did you notice there was no mention cleaning and taxiing?  Well vacation is over.  They are back in full force.

Mimi and Livy were gone to the state next door doing hockey stuff and Trudy and Rowdy were spending time with the WWDBFF that stands for wandering wee douche bag fucker face..... otherwise known as 'the father'. 

They have all slowly trickled back in. 

Mimi and Livy got back in time to party it up for New Years Eve.  They came...they showered...they left again.  I tried to make them feel guilty for leaving me alone on New Years with the dirtpusher on night shifts...but I didn't phase them.  Livy did actually look like she cared for a second and had a sweet voice when she said...'well... you can go to Grams'.  I was in bed by 9:30...and Mimi didn't bother coming home.  I only mention this small transgression because after reading my blogs...she likes to brag about how she is the 'good kid'...and I never have to talk shit about her...like I do the other kids.  Well needless to say the dirtpusher had a different outlook on it than me and Mimi...he seems to think it is a bigger issue than we do.  He thinks children should let their parents know where they are...see how I'm being the good stepmom here...I love not having to be the responsible parent.

Rowdy and Trudy came home today.  Rowdy was here for about 6 seconds and then on down the street to somebody else's house.  Trudy of course has been here and has been doing her typical.... talking talking talking talking talking talking.

I thought I would put myself out and cook dinner.  I prepared steak in some marinade for the day...made baked potatoes, green beans and salad.  And this my friends is why I don't cook..well a couple of them...mostly I'm just lazy....but...please see the following exhibits... 

Exhibit One:

meat makes me vomit

Me and Mimi don't like meat.  When Mimi found out I was cooking steak she thought I should make her a special meal that girl is nuts...(you can't please everyone I have found out..and I don't try)..and I thought I could choke it down for one meal...but yeah...I couldn't do it.  Then midmeal Trudy decided that we were trying to trick her into eating wild game and decided she didn't like hers either.  So after about 5 minutes we were all piling our meat on the dirt pushers plate while he was out of the room for a slit second...including Rowdy.  Rowdy figured there must be something wrong with it and was mysteriously "not hungry"...so basically we ate potatoes and salad.

Exhibit Two:

oops

Trudy in mid sentence about god only knows what...spilled her plate everywhere.  I may have looked at her like i was going to rip her face off and she burst out bawling "STOP YELLING AT ME".  ummmm...yelling?

Anyway..my point is...it doesn't pay for me to cook supper.

Yes...the kids are home.

Tomorrow we are having cereal.