Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Hidden Fantasy

Something really really bad happened yesterday.

Okay maybe it wasn't really that bad...you know in the grand scheme of life....but it was pretty bad.

In the perfume isle at Walmart on my lunch break I was texting my friend and having a temper tantrum because they are no longer carrying my favorite perfume Britney Spears Hidden Fantasy...stop laughing...I like it... I am very picky about scents and frankly I don't know who at the corporate level at this discount chain would make such a horrible decision.  At this point I am seriously considering writing a formal complaint and I think if you are reading this ...you should to.  I will attach the mailing address below.

As I was frantically trying to figure out what to buy in it's place...if anything at all.  I set my blackberry down on one of the shelves... completely forgetting my text convo with my friend and rummaging through every bottle to be sure it wasn't there.  I pondered all of the choices only by the packaging....this my friends is because apparently Walmart doesn't think people should be able to smell the perfume before they buy it...no testers!  Seriously...no testers?...absolutely ridiculous...  As I studied the packages..I thought about how smelling great is a sure fire way to get the dirt pusher to do whatever I want him to do...If I didn't pick the right perfume...I would have to resort to other ways of getting my way *wink*... and everyone knows how tired I am at the end of the day...so this was a big decision.

After carefully picking the prettiest packaged perfume I made my way to the checkout.  I politely asked the saleslady...WTF with the perfume department! Paid for the damn perfume..left ...ran to get Lucy (the salamander) crickets...and Starbucks just happened to be close...so I swung in.

As I was in the Starbucks line I reached in my bag to grab my phone because for some reason I think that my mind should be stimulated at all times....and I couldn't just wait my turn without being entertained for those two minutes. 

People...the damn phone was NOT in the bag.

*FREAKING right here*

At this point I am trying to calm myself down...and shoving my fist in my mouth to prevent me from yelling to the barista's to hurry the eff up....my damn phone was gone...and I needed to find it. 

In my mind I'm thinking..."OK...walked into Walmart...picked up trail mix..texting KC...admiring the fine behind in front of me...tantrum in perfume isle.."  I'm having no recollection of having my phone during or after the perfume BS.

I leave Starbucks and know I don't have time to run back to Walmart because I need to pick Trudy up from school...*cussing about high maintenance kids*

Waiting for the slow ass teenager...everyone else is practically gone from the school including all of the school buses...but not my kid...I'm cussing under my breathe.....for all I know she texted me that JB (the bf) is giving her a ride...but I wouldn't know...cuz I DON'T HAVE MY PHONE!

I see her finally emerge from the school...and yes I got out of the car and yelled at her to "Hurry up!"...in return I got a snarly "I AM!"  Does this child not know I am having a full Stage 5 panic attack and feel as though I have lost a limb and could possibly stop breathing at any moment!

While waiting in the car for Trudy's slow ass...several things crossed my mind...but mostly I was trying to remember if there was naked pictures of myself on this miniature computer....omg..omg..omg...omg...wait...no I dont' think so....but..let this be a lesson for all of us....never have naked pictures on your phone if you are gonna lose it.

The thought of this brings me to think that in the case that something happened to me...I need..."the person"...you know the person who gets all of the incriminating evidence off your phone, computer...disposes of other private "things" that you wouldn't want...say..your DAD to see!  OMG...I really need to get a plan in place...I don't want people to say..."oh yeah ...I knew her *shaking their heads*...it was so sad...she had naked pictures on her phone when she died...she used this sort of disgusting immature leverage on her dirt pusher to get what she wanted."

Trudy got her butt in the car and as I was frantically explaining yelling..."I need you to get your butt to the car faster..I need to get back to work...and today I  have managed to lose my damn phone..." as if this was all her fault.

She looked at me like I was pathetic...and said "Walmart called Oma...they have your phone at the front". 

This is were I fell in love with this child...once again. 

1 comment:

  1. Silly...just password lock the phone and then your info and ridiculously filthy and incriminating texts and photos are safe...