Hail To The New Year

Disclaimer:  This post will NOT use the term AF in any sentence.  This seems to be a common thing on trendy news websites that think its cool.  (To my mom and her sisters:  AF translates to "As F*&ck".  I'm pretty sure there are more creative adjectives to use in writing.

My last post was in 2013.  I've been on break and more than likely will have another 3 year break after this post.  But, I have some new unimportant things to say.  Such as, my New Years Resolutions for 2016!  What else!  So here I go.

Most importantly, I am going to work towards making the book club I am part of of SUPER GREAT.  I should really be reading this months pick right now.  I see myself engaging and leading really smart book discussions over mini crum cakes and espresso.  It will be VERY classy and I might even talk in a British accent or break out some sweet southern hospitality.  The book talks could be at my house where there would NOT be a lick of cat hair on the furniture and I would let members sit on the cat couch yes the cats have their own sofa, judge us. I take cat ranching very seriously.  I will be showered and dressed in something other than a nightgown even though these fancy book talks will be on Saturday afternoon and I'm rarely dressed on the weekend and take pride in several levels of bed head.  I'm lazy.

Most people don't know I'm in a book club even though I try to brag about it every chance I get because I think it makes me seem smarter.  And also, because it's possibly the shittiest book club in book club history. I think the three of us are somehow proud of this.  Yes, three of us.

We are on our third book, which is Emma's pick.  Do you remember Emma?  She's the insanely smart microbiologist that tolerates me calling her my friend and even plays along and buys me fancy gifts for my birthday and Christmas.  She gives great gifts.  When Emma announced her pick I strongly announced "I'm NOT reading that book", which is terrible book club etiquette and not good behavior from someone how wants to lead the book talks.  They ignored me.

Barney had the first pick and he picked a 700 page book.  It seemed a little excessive.  So in turn I picked Loretta Lynn's first book knowing he would hate it.  It includes a lot of double negatives, awesomeness and good ol' southern charm.  In addition, our book talk for this will include watching the movie "Coal Miners Daughter" and personal copies of the soundtrack.  I can't get him to commit to coming over for the festivities. I personally love the lady and cry every time I watch the movie.  Maybe that's why Barney is hesitant.  He hates a crying woman.

We have yet to have a real book talk get together.  Isn't that a book club requirement?  So instead we are considering getting bad ass BOOK tattoos.  To prove how serious we are about reading. The thing about this club is that it was Barney's idea and he now seems very reluctant to be involved.  I think he under estimated me and Emma's love for reading.  And didn't think we would say yes because we normally tell him NOOO when he thinks of dumb ideas.

I have other big plans for 2016.

Volunteer.  I have an organization in mind and am so eager to be part of something bigger than myself.  I want to make other people feel important.

Wine.  I'm going to drink A LOT more wine.  (I'm gonna need it for the next two items.  I believe in setting myself up for success.)

To STOP taking things personal. To take things personally is really selfish.  When I take things personally, I am really just making everything about myself and no one needs that.

To be impeccable with my words. (Impeccable. Not rude) To say exactly what I mean or not say it at all.  This is hard for me because sometimes it requires saying "no" and can hurt feelings.  I hate hurting feelings.  I'm drinking wine now just thinking about it.

Embrace vulnerabilities and express them to my people.  The people that love me.

I will stop changing my relationship status on Facebook to "in a relationship" with my favorite Starbucks drink at the moment.

AND Last but not LEAST.  I will avoid all political posts on social media.  I will work to come to terms with these facts : 1. I'm not always right and 2. It's very unlikely I will change minds or that mine will be changed.

Pepper's "It's OK...Christmas Edition" 2013

1. To blog in lists.  Okay that's for me.

2. To find a ball of tangled Christmas lights, throw a ratty piece of tinsel on it, kick it to the corner of the living room and call that shit "Christmas Decorating 2013".  And have a drink.

3.  To eat a SHIT TON (that is a new metric unit) of candy canes and call it Holiday Spirit.

4.  To get an Elf On The Shelf even though your kids are too old for those creepy shenanigans.  Just for the pure enjoyment of making inappropriate scenes with it...

5.  To blame Elf On the Shelf, even though you don't have one.

6. To make ONLY homemade Christmas gifts.  Screw the commercialism and overspending.  I'm making these for EVERYONE on my list.

7.  To avoid stores at any cost, especially Black Friday.  Even if it means getting groceries at midnight.

8.  To LOVE Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers "Hard Candy Christmas".

9.  To like the movie "Elf" with Will Farrell better than any other Christmas movie.  Even better than "It's a Wonderful Life" and "A Christmas Story".

10.  To let go of the the Christmas card tradition.  I'm lazy.

Expressing Gratitude

I am unquestionably and genuinely thankful.  I swear.  I did my scuzzy 2nd Annual 'Shit I'm not Thankful' post last week. 

You can see it here: I'm a Jerk 

I still feel like a schmuck and I didn't even begin to cover the things I'm not thankful for. I almost didn't even post it but I hate to see my efforts go to waste.  And there was effort.  I could have been laying in my bed watching several season's of Dexter playing solitaire on my phone, which is my favorite thing to do right now.

I'm glad I got the shit post out of the way so I can say some great things because life if good.  Outstanding actually.  And I have some thankfulness to share with you.    

I am thankful for my emotional personality.  I don't mean that I lay around and cry about things.  I mean,  that I feel things incredibly deep in my soul and every fiber of my being.  And I am thankful for that.  I am able to take on other people's feelings as my own and that allows me to connect with them on a level that I don't think I would be able to otherwise.

I am thankful for my quirkiness.  My ability to live in the moment and spontaneously.  For my love of new things, constant change and my ability to put an artistic touch on even the most mundane things.   I'm thankful for my free soul and that I know who I am. These things make my life refreshing and gratifying.

I am thankful for the ability to provide my daughter with a reliable car on her 16th birthday.  She deserved it and I deserved to give it to her.  One of the best gifts I ever gave.  It is still giving.  It will provide her safe transportation home for Thanksgiving.  I am grateful.  But I will be damn grateful when it is paid off.

I am thankful for my oversized, thick and deliciously warm Nike sweat pants.  Hey, it's cold out and they feel soooooooo damn good.  Was that too intense? 

I am thankful that I still have my parents on this earth to love on.  To laugh with, love with, share with, cry with, rejoice with and count on.

I'm thankful for my sister, aunts and sisterly friends that love me despite my odd behaviors and emotional decisions.  For friends that help with the kids when I need help chauferring and am unable to be at two places at once.

I am thankful for the dads that DO laugh and talk to me and don't make me feel less than human.  There is one that isn't afraid to chat it up with me at the kids games and social functions and I love our chats.  He is HILARIOUS.

I am thankful for my job/jobs.  They provide me and the kids the comforts that make life comfortable.  Coffee, handbags, shoes, clothes, jewelry, handbags.  Yes I know I said handbags twice.

I am thankful for the balance of parent and friendship I have with my kids.  I love that my son calls me ma'am but that even still, we laugh and drop it like it's hot at random moments. That means dance, for all you older folk.

I'm thankful that I can see beauty and love people who are different than me and that my kids can do the same. 

I'm thankful for all of you.

With a grateful heart,
Happy Thanksgiving.

Shit I'm Not Thankful For

Disclaimer:  There will be a lot of cussing in this post, because the New Years Resolution I made not to cuss didn't take.  Also, I would like to point out I am an extremely gracious person regardless of what a shitty asshole I may sound like in this post.  And I do sound like a shitty asshole.  I read it.  I think I might have some things to work out. 
  

 

1.  Car repairs.  I don't know why a gal can't just pick out a car that is suitable for her needs and drive that sucker I wanted to say fucker forever...No Hassle or need to call my brother-in-law.  He is sick of my shit.  No new tires, CV Joints I don't even know what that is, brakes, whatever.  Nothing...just drive and drive and drive till you die.  Period.

2.  Thanksgiving posts everyday on Facebook in November about how grateful everyone is.  Nobody cares.  You better be damn thankful for your kids, parents,  job, life, air, food, whathaveyou all year long.  YOU ARE BLESSED EVERYDAY.  But if you are going to do them, be creative at least. 

3.  Marketers.  People who reach me through social media, random text or phone call to 'get together'.  I get all excited that someone actually wants to be my friend this is rare and then I quickly realize after I have paid for lunch, that they really just want to sell me something.  If I want to buy something, I will get in touch with YOU.  This has actually happened to me numerous times, I'm a slow learner and apparently desperate for friends.  Also, 'friends' that don't talk to me unless they are inviting me to some sort of selling party.  I don't want your fucking coffee or jewelry.  What part of single, working two jobs, trying to feed a teenage boy do these people not understand.  I'm broke.  Piss poor broke.  I have even contemplated re-using coffee grounds.  So I am not buying your overpriced beans. I bet I'm losing friends by the second here.  When I say I am not interested, that won't change in a couple days.

4.  Fun size candy bars.  Fuck you fun size candy bars.  You are nothing but a tease.  What is fun, is eating the whole damn bag.  Until you are done...

5.  Fakeness.  Okay, so I have been loving the shit out of these random facts about people on Facebook. I know,  I'm nosy.  People are interesting, I love em and I have learned some interesting things about my friends.   First of all, most of them are actually much more creative than I had thought.  But there always has to be that one person that fucks it up with "1.  I like rainbows.  2.  I like Christmas."  I said that in a fake voice in case you couldn't hear it through the text of this. We the people of Facebook want the dirt.  Period. Give us something good.  You cheated on your third grade boyfriend with a 5th grader slut, you have furry patches of hair that grows on the top of your toes and you wax it.  Maybe you only sweat out of one arm pit, maybe that's me.  We, your friends, need the good stuff.  I would appreciate all skeletons out of the closet.  I would give you mine but they have all escaped because I have a big mouth.
 
6.  The asshole that lives down the street and drives a silver VW Beetle.  Every time I see it coming down the street I think it is my kid.  I miss my kid.
 
7. Extreme right and left wing political people and all their bullshit.  Stop it.  Obama is not a terrorist nor is he the second coming of Jesus.
 
8.  Bullies.  I think this one was on my list last year too.  Whatever, I still am not thankful for them.  These assholes are everywhere.  I get a real charge out of the Anti-Bullying programs in the schools, led by bullies.  It's cute.  And by cute I mean NOT cute.
 
9.  Cellphones.  I'm guilty of browsing while I should be listening sometimes my kids are VERY boring, I'm working on it.  But if you are walking around in public places yappin' your jaws or checking out at a store while on your phone, you are a narcissistic asshole of an asshole.  Yesterday I witnessed a lady special ordering something meanwhile her cell phone rang and rather than sending the call to voicemail, she just chatted away.  The poor salesclerk was trying to get information and the lady was talking on her phone, the sales lady didn't know what she was doing because she was new.  It was ridiculous and shameful, not to mention extremely frazzling to watch and keep my mouth shut.  Don't you want to be in the moment?  Build relationships with everyone you talk to?  Enjoy your surroundings? 
 
10.  Awkward Dads.  OK this is a silent issue no one talks about.  When you are a single mom, none of the married dads will talk to you or look you in the eye.  They pretty much like to pretend you don't exist.  I've actually had men literally turn and walk away from me after I tried to send a friendly greeting, not even showing any decency what so ever as a human being.   Well, here is the problem.  When your kid is friends with my kid, you are going to have to talk to me at some point.  Get used to it.  There isn't a dad in this situation to chat it up with and if there are arrangements to be made, I'm your gal.  Don't worry I'm not going to try to hump your leg or make you do nasty things with me.  I don't want you and neither does your wife more than likely.  So consider yourself safe with me.  I'm actually pretty fun to get to know, give me a chance.

Clearly I'm a jerk.  I will start on my Thankful post right now.  Hopefully lots of graciousness will cancel all of this out.  Amen.

Resist This

I don't want to hear it from any of you.  You know... my limited viewing audience...mostly my aunts and some weirdo from China. It has been so long since I have been on this blogging site to actually write anything, that I forgot how to navigate this stupid web page.   Blooger...oops I mean Blogger is not user friendly in my opinion.  Since I have talked to you all last you need to know I prefer to be called Pepper.   So if you could all go with that I would greatly appreciate it.  Hey...it's my fake persona, I get to be called whatever I want.  And I have a short attention span so Rosa is long gone...we are on to Pepper now.  My short attention span is also the problem with my random inconsistent blog posting.  I'm like...eh'...done that...what can I do that is new.

I am trying to remember what I have been doing lately that I have been so busy not to post anything.  I'm not going to make up excuses, I am still scrolling endlessly through Pinterest.  I made a New Years Resolution to stop that, but I can't.  I have kicked some other WAY worse habits and I mean way worse... though so I figure it all balances out.  Sort of like whip cream on a non fat latte'.  It's basic science. 

This post has been inspired by a HUGE crush I have. I am really not interested in dating.  Unless it is this guy...and if you are a guy and think it could be you...it's not.  The guy I am crushing on doesn't read stupid crap like this.  He spends his time doing great things.  I am working up the courage to talk to him but am afraid I will turn nine million shades of red and stammer all over myself because I don't feel worthy of his presence.  He really doesn't even know I exist....well I did talk to him once, I said "Can I help you?"  Which he should have known meant "Can I smell you and have your babies?"  Whatever.  Apparently I didn't make a huge impression.  Maybe because my face looked like this:

This crushy thing got me to thinking about the online dating post I did a long time ago...remember this: Internet Dating 101
This was not even the full list of bad dates.  I'm shaking my head thinking about one I didn't include that was just emotionally confused.  Hung up on an older lady he had cheated on his wife with...but wanted to maybe possibly date others, but wasn't even sure about that.  Yikes.  What a mess that one was.

So I got to thinking about the irresistible profile I could put out there to maybe catch my dream man's eye.  And this is what I ended up with..

Attention Delicious:  that is what I call him...delicious
Are you interested in chatting with a single, plumpyish older lady with expensive kids and no interest in having any more.  She may be sprouting random chin hair and battling middle age hormonal acne.  She also hates showering on the weekend and snores very loudly.  Yeah.  She is a catch.  And she wants to talk to you hot stuff.

Yeah he isn't gonna be able to resist this.  Nope.

I AM not Naked. I Have Glitter on.

Do you remember my friend Emma?  She is the microbiologist seriously what is that, what a show-off, published I would like to add.  I take a lot of pride in being super great friends with a published scientist.  It is sort of my claim to fame.  Pathetic, but true.  I really need to work on having my own super duper accomplishments.  She is probably going to kill me for posting this, and she has the knowledge and tools to make bodies disappear, soooooo if you don't hear from me tomorrow, you know where to start.

She was nervous when I started blogging, because she knows sometimes my 'filter' doesn't always work well.  And I have done really well at not talking much about her tooting my own horn, because it is important for me to respect her privacy.  And I would like a little credit for that.  It takes a lot of will power to keep my mouth shut.  Especially since she is so incredibly sarcastic, witty and funny and also has a way of being subtle at the same time.  A true talent.  I have never been able to master 'subtle'.

She taught me something very important this week.  She taught me that you are technically NOT naked, if you have glitter on.  Who knew? 

So while I am busy practicing my flute playing this year,  I will be wearing nothing but glitter. 

(See New Year's post about practicing the flute or recorder or whatever it is.)
2013. Bring It Buttercup

Sounds mystical yeah?

 

This Is What I Would Like To Say Today

Dear Coach,

There is a boy trying out for basketball today.  You might notice he is small and skinny for his age and runs a little slow.  You might also notice he is pretty darn handsome. 

I know you recognize him from class.  He is the smartest kid you have ever taught.  He may even be the smartest kid you will ever teach.   But even though he is brilliant, he is humble.  He is kind and gentle.  He is incredibly funny.  He is respectful to everyone around him unless he is playing Call of Duty, that doesn't count.  He is a good friend and a respected classmate.  He is the protector of his sister and the man of our house.  He has commendable work ethic and takes pride in doing his best.  All of the time. 

He works hard and strives to be a good athlete, and although he can be a bit slow and his large motor skills have always lagged behind his peers, he will work his butt off for you.  He will listen to you and be grateful for every bit of feedback you give him.  He will be proud when you have told him 'Good Job' and work to improve anything you say needs improving.  He will be grateful for every minute he is put out on the floor to play.  He will represent your school and team in a fashion that you will be proud of. 

There is nothing more than he has ever wanted more than to be part of the team.  A person of his character deserves to be on the team.  I hope that you understand that today, you could change a boy's life. 

Regards,
His Momma