DNorm...my friend

I started this post a few months ago after a dear friend of mine passed away suddenly.  It was too hard to finish at the time...but I look back now with a smile on my face.  I feel so lucky to have been able to call him my friend.


I feel like I am getting back to normal....shut up...I mean my normal..

My friend DNorm died a few weeks ago and I have been soooo sooo sad..I know...get over it...move on...that's what I am doing!

I am also taking care of his cat...he loved this cat...actually he loved this cat more than he loved me I know this for a fact....I was always a pain in his ass......and who wouldn't love this furry feline.  He is adorable...loves to be loved and kissed and dragged around.....

i will forever take care of this sweet face

But I hope that David is enjoying Heaven..you know in the arms of God's love surrounded by love and kindness and eternal happiness...cuz I have been very busy cleaning up cat hair and scooping a litter box....

I was thinking recently about a trip to Mexico last October where we met up and did a few fun things.

On one of our excursions we visited Chichen Itza...one of the ancient Mayan ruins.  We signed up for this trip at the last minute...DNorms idea of course...not the part of visiting the ruins..but the part of planning to do it the very last second...which totally goes against my grain...I'm a planner... and he liked to pull shit out of his ass.  But we pulled it off...and we where excited to take a luxury bus with a fabulous lunch with FREE all you can drink drinks and a traditional Mayan meal at the site.  The brochure specifically said 'luxury'.

The luxury bus turned out to be a cramped tourist trap full of sweaty people and the lunch.. well....it consisted of a dry and tasteless turkey sandwich... and the drink that came with it looked like this..----->

I think it may have contained barely over 2 ounces...which was hilarious to watch DNorm drink because this was a very large man drinking out of a juice box smaller than his hand with an itty bitty straw.  Very thirst quenching for him I'm sure...very luxurious.  I thought I would live large and have a free diet soda.  Let me tell you this before you are dup'd in Mexico...the diet soda doesn't taste like diet soda.  I took one drink..gagged and attempted to hang onto the can the entire very bumpy bus ride in hopes of finding a trash at the end of the ride.

Well...I hung on to the can...if that counts for anything.  I managed to spill most of it all over DNorm due to the bumpy ride and because the arm rest I was using kept slipping...this is the type of shit I would do to annoy him on accident....everytime I would spill down his leg and into his flip flop....he would do this ..."hummmphhh"...*rolling of the eyes" thing he tended to do to me a lot. 

We also spent a day in Cancun.  DNorm thought it would be 'fun' to take Mexican public transportation to reach Cancun.  Our day included a beautiful beach, my debit card forgotten in an ATM machine, eating a great Mexican meal and dancing, haggling with shopkeepers, a pirate cruise along with a heart to heart regarding some of the things weighing deep in the big guy's heart.

I will forever be grateful.

 

Call us the Diggers



You can call us the Diggers...its like the opposite of the Duggers.

I am the unsuccessful version Michelle Dugger and everything she strives for.  I have failed and will continue to fail at what I call the 'Michelle Dugger'.  I am about 14 kids short...and I have a brain in my head.   That is something the dirtpushers momma would say..and she would probably call Michelle a dirty bird.  And trust me the dirtpusher is no Jim Bob.

It shocks people..  telling them I have five kids probably cuz I look so young.  Technically only two of them were removed from abdomen by a guy in scrubs and what I imagine to be a VERY big knife....wanna see my scars?  But I feel like I should be free to claim every damn one of these little slob faces as my own.  For many reasons....first of all...they are all adorable, smart and talented.  Who wouldn't want to claim those cute people?  Second of all I spend HOURS and hours a week cleaning up after all of these smart mouthed brats and doing mountains of laundry.  Well technically I don't clean up after the oldest, Dirk..he has what we like to call 'flew the roost' we thank god everyday...but he is annoyingly cute and really fun to trick into eating dog biscuits.  I very highly doubt that Michelle Dugger has tricked any of her kids into eating dog food.  She should try it...it creates a classic family memory.  And I don't think Michelle would telephone her kid talking in a deep southern accent and call herself Louise.. and tell him that he still owes $200 for the taxes on his truck after he was ecstatic that the cost was not nearly what he thought it was going to be...that is just plain mean...I love being a step-mom.

Michelle Dugger does not feel the need to work outside the home.  I do.  I have to get the hell out of here at least 5 days a week.  It is for my sanity...and to support my love for new clothes, shoes, jewelry and handbags.  And I'm too bossy...I could not allow Jim Bob to run the show...I insist on helping and giving my much needed opinions...and I know that the dirtpusher enjoys my input on just about everything...I'm not sure Jim Bob would appreciate tolerate it the way the dirtpusher does.
My kids are also not trained to take care of each other and are rarely kind to one another.  There is conflict of some sort 100% of the time.  It will depend on what day...as to who can not stand who..they silently form alliances..but this changes daily...but they do NOT act like the Dugger kids.  If one of my kids does something nice for one of the others it is most likely because they want something expensive.  I bet the Dugger kids never want expensive jeans or expect new cars... and are happy with hand me downs....well not the Digger kids...they want it ALL.

I have actually seen my kids do worse to each other...bet Michelle and Jim Bob's kids don't beat the crap out of each other....

I also do not have a large sparkling clean house like Michelle.  My floors sparkle for approximately 5 seconds after scrubbing and that is only if I yell loudly.  I doubt Michelle Dugger yells at her snot faced kids.  I even tried to hire a cleaning lady and she visited once and said she would call back...and she is now MIA....seriously..I need help.

My kids cuss.  This I can assure you does not happen in the Dugger home.  Rowdy Digger went hunting with his Uncle B-Rad and his Uncle B-Rad's brother.. Richard.. this last deer hunting season, and cute witty little Rowdy Digger made one Dick joke after another until both grown men were blushing...and now apparently Dick Richard doesn't want to go hunting with little Rowdy anymore....  And Livy's mouth... she can make a sailor uncomfortable...bless her heart.

I..as Mrs. Digger... ignore my kids whenever humanly possible.  Do you think Michelle Dugger pretends her kids don't exist..I don't think so.  Does Michelle Dugger get tired of the sound of her children's voices...going on and on and on and on and on?  No.  I also have never seen Michelle bury herself so far into a book that all hell is breaking loose around her and she takes no notice...she would never let that happen.

Michelle's kids are also always dressed so sweetly and clean and nice.  A successful day in my house means that Livy hasn't put something on that has been trampled on for weeks due to her inability to use a clothes hamper or a hanger.  My kids wake up approximately 2 minutes before they need to leave the house and I feel a rush of pride if they have brushed their teeth.  How much do you want to bet Michelle's kids brush morning and night?

The way Michelle looks at Jim Bob with such patience and love at all times is almost unbelievable spare me...I can tell you one thing...I would shoot the dirtpusher in the eye if he had impregnated me 20 some times.. I bet i could give Michelle a few lessons on how to tell Jim Bob to get a damn magazine...if you know what I mean.

i really think she should kick him

Yeah...just call us the Diggers. 

Be Thankful



My Thankful Face

I think it's only fitting that I write a riveting post on being thankful blah blah blah.  After all it is November...the month of THANKSGIVING and I promised my friend, The Betch they call "The Onion', that I would write something that she wouldn't be able to pull herself away from...yeah right

It may come as a surprise considering I am at times sarcastic and dry..but I am full of gratitude everyday.  I have a lot of things to be thankful for and at times so overwhelmed with the feeling of gratitude that my heart feels like it could explode and it brings tears...shut up.  So here is my ABC's of Gratitude....I thought this would be good opportunity to make a list..i love a good list

A. air...yeah i need it.  *I know it is already hard to stop.... hanging on to my every word*
B. Books...i love my freedom to read what I want..when I want and how I want...usually in my llllouuungggge pants.....no bra
C. candy, caramel and chocolate and nuts..i don't care if nuts do not start with a C..I like them
D. dad...i love my dad...he is hilarious, fun, dependable, adorable, smart and sometimes still embarrassing...and i like my dog too...she is cute...SEEEE

she clearly has a VERY rough life

E. Energy - we have a lot of it in the Powder River Basin....and I'm thankful for the industry...i just wish I had a little more under my ass somedays
G.  God and his GRACE and patience and love..and forgiveness...I feel like I give him plenty of practice on the patience and forgiveness thing
H.  Heat...how convenient is walking up to the thermostat and simply pushing a button...I read a book called The Children's Blizzard several years ago and since then...i have not taken heat nor the technology we have for predicting storms for granted...read the book...its a good read
I. I'm not thankful for anything that starts with the letter I...sorry I
J.  Jesus....duhhh
K. Karen, Kathy, KGinger, Kristi ..yeah I added a K, whatchu gonna do?..Kaycee, KBobbi Kaylee, KCourtney..yeah i added a couple more K's..its my life, and Kiley.  These are some of my family members I may or may not be particularly fond of... how the hell did I get a name that starts with T...oops I mean R?
L. love and lounge pants..mostly lounge pants 
M. Money...the more I have the more thankful I am *snicker*
N. Anyone that knows me ...knows *cough cough* Nuts
O. Oma...otherwise known as Deborah the Whora...or ..well...my mom.  In her defense she really is not a floozy...she just looks like one

maybe its the handcuffs she carries around...i don't know

P. *whispering* The Pretty Little Liar's book series...don't judge me
Q. quiet...i like when I hear quiet...with four kids in this house its a commodity...i would even pay for it...although prolly not much cuz I'm cheap
R. Rowdy...he makes me proud..and he is cute
S. Sullivans...
T. Tader...ooops I mean Trudy...that kid and I...well.. we are a team..always will be...together we have made it through some pretty shitty stuff...together we can do anything...unless it requires tools..then we are pretty much screwed
U. upside down...i can still stand on my head...its one of those things i will be able to do till I'm 90...and it is fun
V. Vowels and Verbs...cuz I like words *wuuuurrrdddd*
W. Word of the Day from Merriam Websters...i really like words
X. common people...nothing good starts with X
Y. yardsticks...i don't know..i guess so i can measure shit...can't think of anything that stars with Y besides yammering and who likes a whiner?
Z. the fall back in November for daylight savings time...which means an extra hour of sleep one day of the year....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Cohabitation

I am learning to cohabitate...at moments I think I may be in-cohabitable.  I'm very set in my ways and have only lived with my kids for several years...and they know my weirdness. 
 
One thing I will say is that moving sucks.  I'm torn when it comes to change in general.  I like it...but I don't like it i know that totally makes sense.  I will also admit that I have way too many clothes and think that we may need to add another closet so that I don't have any more temper tantrums while trying to find what I'm looking for in the 10x2 closet my shit is stuffed into at 6am..I am very hostile at this time of the day.

I typically throw a lot of food away when it is just me and my kids...in order to have a variety of things in the house to eat..alot goes to waste...that is NO LONGER a problem.  A family of 6 eats ALOT of food...and three teenage girls can seriously move some food....one in particular...you have to hide food if you want something for later....cuz it will be gone if you wait more than a few hours.  I am not over exaggerating.

I also now know that teenagers will on certain days decide they don't like you...and will run away...but not too far and will be back within hours....having no phone no car no food apparently isn't too appealing.  This only happens on days when you are not hanging on their every word and expect them to follow simple rules and aren't keeping busy doing what they want ...when they want.  The run away was only gone a few short hours but it saved us quite a bit in food.

I have learned a very manipulative useful behavior to get the dirt pusher to do what I want.  Regardless of whether the task at hand requires tools or not...I use them...or pretend to use them.  Getting out the dirtpushers tools and banging them around in a way that makes it look like I have no clue what I'm doing gets his attention very fast.  If he offers to help...I like to say "oh no..I got this...I'm just not sure we need all of these tools...I think I'm going to have a garage sale..I could make a killing!"...Before you know it...he is knee deep in my project and I'm free to do important things like...blog or facebook stalk your friends.

Another lesson learned is that when I tell Trudy she can wait till Christmas for a new hair straightener...she will take the opportunity to ask the dirtpusher when I'm not around because he never tells her no.  Kids learn how to wrap sweet guys like him around their fingers very quickly.  She has an undying love for the guy...gee I wonder why...

I am proud to say I have taught the dirtpusher a thing or two also.  He has learned to pray for fast REM sleep before I can tuck myself into bed...cuz apparently I snore....only on occassion...but when I do apparently I can saw some shit out of some logs...who knew!?  I have also taught him not to talk to me...touch me...or LOOK at me in the morning when I'm doing the one leg hop with my underwear on inside out trying to make it out the door in time for work.  I don't like my morning routine to be messed with...especially with conversation.

Beware...this post has Sharp Edges

After some thought...I think maybe my Aunt Kassy and the Onion could be right...sometimes you need to blog it ....and move on...

I feel like I have been dealing with a lot of stupid lately.

Or maybe it is just lack of values.

Or perhaps underdeveloped emotional intelligence.

I have been trying to think of ways to say "you are stupid" ...without being downright rude.  I'm not a huge fan of wading around the subject.  I like to say it and move on which tends to make me sound ruthless and mean...but I'm not...I'm actually very nice and in the right setting I feel as though I can actually take on others emotions because I am compassionate and very sensitive...although I don't think just saying "Your face is oozing stupid" would probably be the best choice.

I have been through some management training that could be helpful I suppose...if you are a fan of condescending patronizing conversations.  Which I am not....don't tell my kids but I have actually used these skills on occasion to get them to do what I want..all while thinking it was their idea...i know...brilliant...

So I'm stuck thinking of ways to say your stupid without being offensive...so here I go....

"Although I'm sure your having a blast with your girlfriend...that doesn't exactly fall in line with your marriage vows."

"I know having pet names for each other in public at 17 makes YOU feel warm and fuzzy...but he is just doing it so you will continue to drive him to court and continue to put out...yes...yes you are so very special to him and deserve nothing more."

"Oh yes I'm thrilled that you are dating your best friends ex-wife!"

"Stomping around and giving everyone the silent treatment because you think you have to work harder than everyone else...is just down right adorable."

"Screaming and yelling at me because I expect you to NOT think it is funny that you have slimed food all over the microwave after 15 hours of cleaning and remodeling....shows how much you care...Thank you."

"Yes hillbilly neighbor...I love the hoarding episode going on in your yard!  Oh and thank your son for me...he taught my 12 year old what 'giving head' means."

"Oh Dear...all teenage girls having sex...please just wash your filthy vagina's"

                                            

How'd I do?

It will all be worth It

For those of you wondering what the hell happened to me...I am still alive...just busy...and tired...

Actually the truth is the dirt pusher and I are really crazy...and I'm the only one on medication for it.  Trust me I've tried to slip a little in his drink occasionally...but he is actually a lot smarter than you would think.

We are going to combine our families under one roof at the end of the month.  It's very scary.  I don't think any of us are under the illusion that it will be easy, although I hope we can love each other enough to work through the snags....mostlyI hope everyone knows that I'm always right...this tends to make things much easier for everyone:)  I have already had a couple of throw downs with his girls and I don't like that but I'm hoping that they know I love them and I hope they will be few and far between.  I mean after all...I feel like they are my kids too...and can't help but treat them like they are.  While I'm busy being hated...the Dirt Pusher is worshipped..I think in Trudy's words that I happened to read on Twitter read something like this "I love my step dad...he always has my back...blah blah blah"...*barfing*

We have been busting our behinds for over a year to get his house ready to accommodate 6 of us....what I really mean is clean the damn place up...  It seems that living without a woman in the house for several years....that things can get a little out of hand...not in their opinion of course.. just my opinion.  My OCD opinion.  I can't help it...many of you know I come from a long line of OCD clean freaks.

We only have two small rooms left to paint and finishing trim work in a couple of rooms to do and the whole place will have new flooring, trim work and paint...head to toe and I'm really proud of all of the work we have done together and the work that the Dirt Pusher has done alone to make this happen...have I mentioned that the garage has been cleaned three times and about 10 pick up loads have been taken to the dump?  

Two weeks ago I re-did what will be Rowdy's room in a NY Jets theme...so he is pretty psyched..and I tackled the main bathroom that same weekend.  I was texting the Dirt Pusher while I was doing it...I was gritting my teeth telling him how much he was going to pay he was busy pushing dirt on his ass.  I hauled 6 large bags of garbage from this bathroom...and you can imagine the cleaning that had to be done before I could start painting.  

Last weekend we embarked on the biggest task in the house.  The kitchen.  We worked for three straight days...12-15 hour days to get it done.  I'm kicking myself for not getting a before and after picture...but we were tore in and working away before I remembered..actually I wish we had before and after pics of the whole house...oh well....but here is the after kitchen pic....

The kitchen cabinets.. we refurbished....they started out dark walnut with a few layers of grease and grime....and now...Waaalaaaa....I would give all the other amazing cleaning details...but I know not everyone is as fascinated with cleaning and the amazing things I can do with 409 and a good scrub brush...and how I have taught the Dirt Pusher that toothbrushes are good for other things other than cleaning teeth.  Plus I have been told that I have been using the word 'disgusting' wayyyyy to much.  So I'm not going to say it anymore.  Just trust me...the place was disgusting...

In between working on the house.....we have been traveling with the kids sports.  Trudy is still playing softball...Rowdy started football...and MiMi and Livy had Team Wyoming try-outs and are gearing up for hockey to start...not to mention a demanding job.

Have I mentioned I'm tired?

Who Let the Dogs out....Whooof!

yeah...we had a WILD weekend!

Me and the dirtpusher are CRAZY wild.

No...not as in crazy.."Rosa, did you take your meds?" crazy.  Although I really think that everyone that benefits from my medication should have to pay for it...really if everyone pitches in...it would cost very little....

A few weekends ago...OK many weekends ago...but I haven't had time to finish this post...so I'm doing it now... the dirt pusher and I  had a CRAZY wild weekend. 

We went out and had FUN two nights in a row! 

I know!  I was like "hey honey ....look at us...all out and crazy *dancing a little* and yeah trailing off...i only had less than one beer the first night out and the second a half of a Mikes Hard Lemonade but whatever....

Night One:  1/2 a beer with friends from high school...one friend..BeCorb..hardly remembers me but won't admit it....and I've promised not to be bitter...pfffttt.....and all the others I get to see a lot and still adore them dearly...and they all like me...and remember me.  It was fun...I thought to myself...we should get out more...we should do this ALL the time! 

It was so exciting talking to other adults together and not having children dominate the conversation with how we are unfair and treat some of the kids better than the others...about the 80 dollar jeans they think they need for school...the tattoo's they are going to get when they turn 18.. and the many ways we are failing as parents...and the many things they want for Christmas its fucking July..ok August...but still.... shit it's actually September... 

I was a little put out though...I didn't figure the dirt pusher and the one who can not remember me otherwise known as BeCorb...would get along so well...oh him and dirt man...oh yeah they just laughed it up...at my expense bastards.......the dirtpusher is normally picked on mercilessly by me and our teenage girls and he enjoyed having someone on his team...yeah that's right..Dirtman as BeCorb calls him..yeah...they are on the same team *snicker*. 

Night Two: Joe Nichols concert...hollly hotttttneesss batman...omg...I'm still breaking out in sweats just thinking about him....and I don't even feel guilty...I figure this is payback to the dirtpusher for picking on me with BeCorb... 

I swear I'm not making this up in my head...but..I'm pretty sure that every popular singer and their entire band I have ever seen live...sings right to me!  I can tell they are just looking at me...longing for me...thinking...oh my look at that girl...she is one hot number...shut up its my story

And now I'm fantasizing about  pretty much every country singing star...and have actually googled several and have been cussing their beautiful wives....

I really need to get back on the WWW123 diet plan if I'm gonna make potential superstar wife material.